A New Day for the Kingsboroughs

happy birthday, princess!!!

2010-09-20T20:07:00.018-06:00

3 years ago, i endured my hardest labor. so much so i even took the drugs (which i had never done before). ahhh, the epidural...bliss. what i didn't realize was you were coming into the world face up. but, in that moment at 5:27 am, september 21st, 2007 i had that moment that many mothers describe...all pain erased when they set eyes on their baby. God gave me a gift and i have known it and been thankful every day of the last 1,095 i have been given with you. demi chenelle kingsborough, you have brightened everyday since your birth. i have savored every moment of loving you, holding you, raising you, bathing you, teaching you. every night since you were born, i have whispered in your ear as i tuck you in..."are you special to mommy? yes, you are. that's because you are my baby". now we have a new baby coming and i just want you to know. demi, you are special to mommy...yes, you are. that's because you are my baby.

at 3 years old you:

~are a people person. you are friendly to strangers. we often her you saying, "hewwo fwends" as we pass people on the road, you love playdates, and you most love "gida" (your cousin, isaiah)

~love having "bubbles"(daily bath)and would be happy to do so for an hour at a time

~are as girly as they come and love to have nails painted and wear a tutu daily

~sing the same 3 songs and do the same prayer every night. i love listening to dad sing "puppy" (how much is that doggy in the window) and "bumblebee" (bringing home a baby bumblebee) and "loves me" (jesus loves me). the hightlight of everynight for the last 2 years and it still makes me smile just as the first night

~are daddy's girl...and that is really special...for him and for me

~have the most amazing singing voice

~love cucumbers and "dip-dip" (ranch)

~have the most stunning hair. perfect, gentle ringlets that touch the bottom of your back.

~still sleep with "saucy"...your blanket

~have originally named the dolls you insisted on having that are identical, "two babies"

~call your juicecup "thirsty"

~love max and ruby!!!

~have gotten into your big sister's makeup and nail polish too many times to count

~think that getting clothes is the best gift that people could give...far beyond getting toys.

~love papa's "big red truck".

~calls motorcycles "hockey"...hmmm, all we can come up with is that you have seen a lot of both since moving to canada???

~have a great imagination. you pretend to be both you and daddy on the phone, have an imaginary friend named rosie.

~are called "princess" more than your name and have a love of tiara's with many pictures over the last 3 years to prove it...i almost think you are better behaved when wearing a crown...lol!

~have brought more joy to our house than i could have imagined. i'm so glad God gives the best surprises! you are adored, princess demi!

love is alive...and at our breakfast table.

2010-09-03T12:46:00.007-06:00

for those of you who don't know i am married to a FABULOUS cook. erik has always loved brinner (breakfast for dinner) but, over the last couple of years he has also become what we call "grill rockstar". making up marinades, putting interesting spices together, working on "plate presentation". when we have out of town guests coming they will inevitably call and ask prior to arriving if erik will be cooking for them. some would think that maybe i would get offended. are you kidding me??? i'm ok with being spoiled. good thing i like hollandaise, is all i have to say!

isn't he the cutest? who doesn't want to wake up to that everyday?

country roads....

2010-06-21T11:39:00.007-06:00

crazy week is upon us...and i can't wait!!! i have been waiting since mid march for...school to wrap up. i love having my kids around every day, i love not having to wake up "in the middle of the night", i love not having the responsibility of getting assignments in. BRING ON SUMMER!!!

this friday, we leave calgary for the entire summer. we will be living between the condo and lynden. the girls can't wait. brielle and i can't wait to get back to our jobs at dutch mothers. we can't wait to see our friends. i can't wait to be with my mom and dad. we have basically got ourselves lined up for a ten day rotation. lynden ten days, condo ten days with daddy, back and forth. this is going to make for a perfect summer for me...not to mention a fast last trimester of the pregnancy! i will get back to calgary the last week in august, get the girls off to school and literally have september and some of october to get ready for baby.

if you are from calgary, we will miss you. if you are from lynden, can't wait to see you. if you are my husband...thank you. i'm going home!!!

the girls and i at boulevard park last summer on one of our favorite walks.

Sh*T!!!!!!!!!

2010-06-14T13:11:00.007-06:00

so, not meaning to be offensive in any way. but, honestly that was exactly what i was dealing with. now that i'm past complete and utter meltdown mode i'm wishing i had taken a picture just so that you all would know that this post is titled appropriately. so mom, please don't be mad that the post title is a "half swear".

friday, was the day i pulled energy from the heavens and did a complete hardcore cleaning. the only thing that warrants that in these parts, these days...company coming! now i know that my dear friend, mairi does not expect the house to be spotless on her behalf. she and erik and my kids (who were not wanting to be assigned anything extra) kept reiterating that fact to me. but, my argument was and still is...i can't relax and enjoy myself if it isn't so.

i began the overhaul at 8 am and at 4 pm i stood back and looked at all that i had accomplished. dinner on the stove waiting, cookies baked, floors washed, house dusted, bedding all changed, bathrooms gleaming, candles lit and down to my last 2 loads of laundry. besides the fact that i have run out of nail polish remover to take on the most recent demi girl "naughty". yea, that's the one where she used fuchsia nail polish as her art supplies and brielle's walls, daddy's big screen tv, and the white carpet as her canvas. that however is another post and that i WILL take a picture of. back to this disaster...i peruse all corners satisfied and feeling quite proud that i had pulled it off. i reward myself with a quick bubble bath.

10 minutes of bliss. i lock my bedroom door to completely soak my aches and pains, block out brielle and taya bickering over computer time, and demi, who is having (what i loosely call) quiet time in her room. she is yelling, "mom i need you". i swish the bubbles with my toes and think to myself for these 10 minutes i don't care. i don't even want the baby in my tummy to kick. i just want quiet. i deserve this little moment. i completely ignore them all for 10 whole minutes. i am decompressing, i am relaxing, i am feeling accomplished, and i am ready to enjoy friend time. awwww....perfect.

i put on cozy clothes, head downstairs to make a salad for with dinner and am pleased to find that the older kids are still where i left them. fighting over the computer. perfect, they haven't taken a break from the bickering to even make a small mess in the kitchen. i tell them both no one is on the computer, assign brielle a small chore to do with dinner, tell taya to go get demi out of her room from "fake nap".

i hear demi's door open, taya gasp, demi's door close, demi screaming at taya to come back, taya back downstairs with huge eyes. i know what i am walking into cannot be good.

i open the door to see for myself. i know that kids taya's age can tend to exaggerate.

WWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW....did someone put a small dog with irritable bowel syndrome in demi's room for nap time???????????

apparently demi had diarrhea ...ALL OVER THE ROOM. took it upon herself to attempt to fix the situation. the carpet...the carpe...the carpet...i'm seeing stars...there are no words. no screaming. nothing but huge tears. i want hard alcohol. it's on the walls, the toys, every bin, all over her hands, legs, the entire dresser emptied and every article of clothing covered in poop from trying to wipe herself. i'm dizzy. i want to puke. i'm running away. i want my mom, i have no time. i'm crawling into bed and never getting out. i don't want to be the mom. we are losing our damage deposit. i can't breath. pregnant people are allowed to have one glass of wine. i'm saying swears in my mind. where is their father??? being at work is not a valid excuse. i for reals have cartoon stars floating around my head. how am i supposed to scream when i can find air? i'm quitting this job. help, help, help.

new plan. "brielle put "poopy" in the tub, please". this of course brings on what this situation is missing...a meltdown from our teenager. are you kidding me??? i just gave you the glamorous role in the "cleanup" and you are going to start in on me in this moment???? words of wisdom from brielle start pouring from her just so that i know how upsetting this is to her: she doesn't even think we should keep demi. she is way too much work. this is the most disgusting thing that has ever happened to her. why do we keep having little kids? she is not having any kids and after today she will not change her mind. in my mind i pray, "Dear Lord, i beg you...hear my prayer...please cover my teenagers mouth before i have to call 911...i'm scared of the unknown outcome of today, God".

for the next 2 hours taya,(my sweet sweet taya) helped her mom during the most disgusting clean up i have ever endured. by the time we finished i didn't even feel guilty for telling her she was my favorite daughter more than once AND gave her permission to tell the other kids. the carpet was sopping wet due to the fact that i had taken 3 full buckets of water mixed with tide laundry soap to it. my hands are raw, my eyes are puffy from sobbing, my back is throbbing, my 2 year olds room smells like cranberry/poop combo. my door bell is ringing. my friend is here.

that night when i'm tucking demi into bed i still do not find her cute repeatedly telling me, "you only poopy on the potty". this day should have ended hours ago for you little child.

a couple hours later, i slosh across her carpet, pick up dolly that has fallen off her bed, move her long locks of hair away from her face to kiss her cheek, i can only smell her baby shampoo now. she looks so babyish sleeping so soundly. like a little angel. it's at that point i decide that "shit happens"...oh, and it's a good thing she is SO cute.

***note*** 4 days later...taya is still my favorite.

finish the statement...

2010-06-10T00:28:00.005-06:00

another facebook "fill in the blanks". blog or repost on facebook. fill me in on your answers.

i would never wear...ummm, hands down "skinny jeans"

i can`t live without...music

i always carry....baby wipes and lipgloss

my beauty basics are...marykay foundation, bath and body lipgloss, shimmering sands eyeshadow, and MASCARA!!!

i can't imagine losing...one of my children

my favorite perfume is...dkny "be delicious"

my favorite beauty indulgence is...pedicures ( i have been hoarding a gift certificate from erik since christmas...finally used it this past saturday with my girlfriend. it was wonderful!) oooohhh...that and good moisturizer.

my comfy wardrobe is...pj pants and a grey hoodie

i don't care if it is on the `Out` list, I will always wear...flip flops

i feel the most beautiful when...erik kisses my nose and eyes and tells me so

my food addiction is...rolo ice cream, it's so evil

i COULD live without...a cell phone and have for a year and a half

My favorite way to relax is...at our condo...2 weeks til i'm doing just that!!!

i wish i had money to...single handedly (is that a word?) support my brother. what he does for God and other people is worth millions.

my perfect day is...beach, bbq, family, friends

if i could live anywhere, it would be...Lynden...forever

i love...my husband. really, truly, madly, deeply.

i'm saving up for...summer vacation and a few things for the baby

i'm so excited for...girl baby number #4. i can't wait to see what she looks like

i love being with people who are...funny, positive, warm.

if there were a fire I would grab...pictures, wedding rings (of course after my kids)

if i could be spending the day with anyone, it would be...my mom.

in 5 years i will be...a mom of 19, 17, 8 and 5 year old beauties!!! AND, will have been with my husband 20 years.

here are a few of my favorite things...

2010-05-11T22:19:00.025-06:00

i know...it's been FOREVER since i posted. it almost seems crazy to try to go back. but, i had been planning this post for a long time. i made a point of taking certain photos so this is where i'll start to get back into the swing of "blogging".

lots of days i miss my favorite things...many of which sit in lynden. i have learned that embracing my life here didn't mean having to let go of there. so, i just thought i'd share some things that have made for happy days here in calgary.

* demi's hair

* my fabulous new canister set...a gift from my sister in law. i LOVE her taste!

* crave cupcakes...made fresh at a few locations in calgary...the very best cupcake i've ever had...and by far the most expensive i've EVER purchased...TOTALLY worth it!
you are looking at almost $20 in mini cupcakes.

* my kitchen aid mixer...best christmas gift from my parents!!!

*note the cookies right beside it...that's my next favorite!

BEST OATMEAL CHOCOLATE CHIP RECIPE:

3/4 cup butter/margarine
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla
1 cup flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 cup white sugar
2 cups oats
1 & 1/2 cup chocolate chips (or any kind you like. i've done craisins and white or butterscotch)

bake for 10 minutes at 350...yum!

* the calgary zoo. among many of the fabulous things calgary offers...it's one of my faves!

* who would have thunk it...yup, swim lessons ended up being one of many favorite things. i hated getting wet every week, hated getting into my suit each and every time for all 3 months....LOVED what it meant to my little girl. good enough to make my favorites list. ps. she enjoyed it with one of her favorite people...her little girlfriend, bronwyn.

* my favorites list wouldn't be complete without this..."BESTIES" coming for visits!!!

* in this pic we're eating at my favorite calgary restaurant, "open sesame". and a visit from the girls means i must take them to my other favorite spot...THE RANCHMAN!!!

dancing ranks way up on my list of favorite things to do!!! which explains why i'm the first one on the dance floor...BY MYSELF!!!

* last but not least...the new favorite addition to my life...yup, i'm in love!

ps. i'm sure in the near future i'll be adding a favorite things part #2, but for now i feel a little caught up. also, you are listening to one of my new favorite songs. chances are if you are reading this...you are one of my favortites, too.

In the valleys I grow...

2010-02-23T00:39:00.003-07:00

I haven't blogged in WAY too long. I have a ton of catching up to do, yet haven't had a moment in the busyness of life. Tonight, I couldn't go to sleep without posting this. It's intended for someone I dearly love...I know that they will know this post belongs to them. I stumbled across this poem about six months ago and knew I kept it for a reason.

Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It's then I have to remember
That it's in the valleys I grow.

If I always stayed on the mountain top
And never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God's love
And would be living in vain.

I have so much to learn
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valleys I grow.

I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.

My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.

Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow.

Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.

Thank you for valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow!

On my birthday...

2010-01-12T16:28:00.025-07:00

I’ve Learned…
That simple walks with my dad around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I’ve Learned…
That there’s nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

I’ve Learned…
That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned...
that my grandpa makes the best pastry!

I’ve Learned…
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve Learned…
That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned...
that you should always leave loved
ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I've Learned...
that it's a rare and special thing to have a brother like mine.

I’ve Learned...
That when you’re in love, it shows.

I've Learned...
that my grandma really does have the softest hands.

I've Learned...
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I've Learned...
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.

I've Learned...
that God has overwhelmed me with mercy and has given me
more "do-overs" than I can count, and by far, more than I deserve.

I've Learned...
that it's those small daily happenings
that make life so spectacular.

I have Learned...
no one's love compares to a mom's love...it is endless.

I've Learned...
that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've Learned...
that either you control your
attitude or it controls you.

I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind.

I've Learned...
that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.

I've Learned...
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.

I've Learned...
that its good to have a big love for many kinds of music, it enhances one's life.

I've Learned...
that maturity has more to do with what types
of experiences you've had and what you've
learned from them and less to do with how
many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've Learned...
that no matter how good a friend is, they're
going to hurt you every once in a while and
you must forgive them for that.

I've Learned...
that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by
others, Sometimes you have to learn to forgive
yourself.

I've Learned...
that our background and circumstances may
have influenced who we are, but we are
responsible for who we become.

I've Learned...
that just because two people argue, it doesn't
mean they don't love each other. And just
because they don't argue, it doesn't mean
they do.

I've Learned...
that two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.

I've Learned...
that marriage counseling shouldn't be a last resort,
but rather a first option.

I've Learned...
that family and friends are what make
us who we are today, and without them
we would never be complete.

I've Learned...
good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble

I've Learned...
if home is where your heart is then, I am living exactly where I should be.

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these. ~George Washington Carver

Babble...

2010-01-06T21:55:00.008-07:00

I'm emotional today. Not depressed. Emotional. Maybe it's that I read a friend's blog and absolutely marveled at her honesty throughout each post. Every time I had a spare five minutes today I would go back and read another entry. I was in awe of how open she was. It wasn't at all trivial or minor. It was all her stuff. The kind of stuff a person likes to keep close or hidden. As I'm reading I keep thinking to myself, "I used to babysit this girl and now I feel like she is more grown up and mature than me...she is so self aware, it's lovely". I have gone around and around the topic of transparency in my mind. Sometimes it seems like I only write when I'm emotional, but then I only write when it's a positive emotion. Sometimes I feel like I have the "Pollyanna Blog". That frustrates me. Life is not perfect, I know I'm the farthest thing from perfect. Sometimes I feel like I use the backspace more than I type and post. Often I sensor, consider who might be reading it, who could possibly take offense, who might judge, or somehow think less of me. Why is it that I am so touched and impressed by her, but don't think it's ok for me to do the same. Maybe I'm not confident it would read at all like hers does to me.

Vulnerable. That's the word I would have thought best described how I feel in most relationships. Then I thought maybe tentative. So then I look them up in the dictionary.

vul·ner·a·ble (vlnr--bl)
adj.
1.
a. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury.
b. Susceptible to attack
c. Open to censure or criticism; assailable.

ten·ta·tive (tnt-tv)
adj.
1. Not fully worked out, concluded, or agreed on.
2. Uncertain; hesitant

Hmmm....maybe...I don't know. Even as I write I am beating myself up. "Who writes when they don't even know their own thoughts and feelings?"

All I know, is that today was a good day. I had a fun play date with friends, had great chats on the phone, missed my kids, had a nice evening with my husband. There was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, nothing to ruffle my feathers, and yet I still feel like a bunch of stuff stirring just under the surface...not to worry folks, in my professional opinion I would guess that's where it will stay (under the surface). I ask myself, "will there ever come a time when you will come to a place of acceptance that it's just feelings and you're allowed to have them". Oh, how I wish I was thick-skinned. I wish I felt comfortable with "anger feelings". Sometimes I feel like I'm not even "allowed" to do sad for too long for fear I will look like I have a bad or negative attitude.

In so many ways, last year was one of the best of my life. But, if I know anything about myself it's that I don't do change very well. Last year everything changed. Some of that has made me very sad. Left me feeling tentative...vulnerable.

Then I stumbled upon this quote and thought it was so incredibly beautiful. It made me cry.

But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

So, hopefully you didn't stop here tonight for your weekly pick-me-up, or feel good moment. Today it's just babble...at least it was honest. Guess I will just bring it to the One I know can help me with it.

My favorite find of the week...........
Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.
- Jerry Bridges -

random

2010-01-05T14:41:00.007-07:00

i feel like i still have so much to do over the next couple days to wrap up christmas. there are gifts that still need homes, pulling the house back together, getting the kids back to school and insisting that demi doesn't start her day with a breakfast of baked goods.

i have a ton of things to blog about, great pictures, funny stories but just haven't had the time. so, i guess i will just take the "creative memories" approach (a scrapbooking company) start current and work my way back. i'm looking forward to reflecting on 2009 and welcoming the new year.

tonight, i am cooking for dinner pork loin with the most amazing marinade. ross and taya brought it back from arkansas as a stocking stuffer for erik. the last time i had it was when they grilled chicken for us...so yummy! it's going to go perfect with hashbrown potato casserole and salad.

biggest loser starts tonight...awesome. the kids go back to school tomorrow...perfect. and i will settle into january, one of my most favorite months (some really great people were born in january...lol!) i'm excited to start blogging with a little regularity, but even more excited to be able to read my friend's blogs and have a moment to comment. i'm excited to have days that have the time to end up sucked in to a total stranger's blog. random babble, i know...but, hey at least i have one foot back in the blogging world. happy new year, dear friends!

happy birthday mama!

2009-12-17T12:08:00.009-07:00

to one who gave us life, loved us in an exclusive way...the way only a mom can. all day i have been observing the celebration of you. the friend, the wife, the sister, the boss, the daughter. all those people conveying you have filled those roles well. but i know for ross and i, there is more. it's something that only the two of us understand, that little extra love and affection that only ever belongs to our mom. happy birthday, mom!!! i love you...you are the very best!

i loved these quotes~

My mother is a poem
I'll never be able to write,
though everything I write
is a poem to my mother.
~Sharon Doubiago

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. ~Washington Irving

Lyrics A Song For Mama Boyz II Men
You taught me everything
And everything you've given me
I always keep it inside
You're the driving force in my life, yeah

There isn't anything
Or anyone I can be
And it just wouldn't feel right
If I didn't have you by my side

You were there for me to love and care for me
When skies were grey
Whenever I was down
You were always there to comfort me
And no one else can be what you have been to me
You'll always be you always will be the girl
In my life for all times

Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul

You're always down for me
Have always been around for me even when I was bad
You showed me right from my wrong
Yes you did

And you took up for me
When everyone was downin' me
You always did understand
You gave me strength to go on

There was so many times
Looking back when I was so afraid
And then you come to me
And say to me I can face anything
And no one else can do
What you have done for me
You'll always be
You will always be the girl in my life

Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul

a merry little christmas...

2009-12-09T22:43:00.007-07:00

coming off of our wonderful trip to lynden i had to throw myself into the whirlwind of christmas preparations. so in the last 3 days i have unpacked, done laundry, cleaned, gone through bills, and finally removed the fall decor. we landed to calgary looking like a winter wonderland covered in the "white stuff", which did wonders to motivate this tired mama. however, in the last 72 hours i found my mind crowded, i felt restless and overwhelmed, agonizing over christmas photos not taken, things to be done, shopping to finish, baking to be done, and the list goes on and on...UNTIL last night. when i STOPPED, set it all to the side, and soaked in the precious moment of decorating our tree. i looked at our sweet toddler who's eyes were filled with curiosity and delight. i looked at our precious, taya who's eyes reflect a full and happy heart as they always do during family moments. i looked at our teenager as my eyes quickly filled with tears as she hung her "baby's first christmas" ornament, and i looked at my husband's beaming smile, and i said, "thank you God...these are my gifts".

one year...

2009-11-08T11:00:00.014-07:00

a year ago today:

i drove a moving truck with all our worldly possessions across the u.s. border into canada. realizing that i would have walked across the border with our kids to get to him.

i hugged my mom as she sobbed and held on so tight but then...for the first time let me go.

i could see the huge concern in my dad's eyes but i also saw the pride he had for me mixed in with his tears.

my children cried with joy and smothered their dad, something that would continue for 3 months.

all the other things i ached for just didn't compare to the ache i had without him.

we held each other so tight. we cried...and cried...and cried.

we chose each other.

“In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged.” ~Hans Nouwens

1 Corinthians 13 (The Message Bible)

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies.

I don't even know you...

2009-11-06T21:01:00.002-07:00

but i am praying for you. i need to be honest and tell you this isn't really typical of me. i just KNOW that i'm supposed to. you are a friend of a friend. i know very little of your situation just that it needs prayer and a miracle. i have known with all certainty that something connects us. i wouldn't classify myself as a person that "prays without ceasing"...i just wanted you to know that since last night and all today, each and every time you crossed my mind i did. it was often. and i knew that God didn't care that i knew you or knew details. i sense the urgency, the desperation and the heartbreak that your family is going through...and i just want you to know that every prayer that i offered up today was on your behalf. i hope you are surrounded by support and love and trustworthy people that make you feel protected. i am praying for your broken heart...i am believing for YOUR miracle.

Moments in time...

2009-11-06T16:51:00.004-07:00

20 years ago:
1. i became a teenager...the 80's totally rocked!
2. i traveled the world with my parents and my little brother.
3. lived in prince george, played in the "by force" youth group band, loved life.

10 years ago:
1. i was newly married and mother to 2 beautiful, busy toddlers.
2. i had hair that went almost to my butt...yup, THAT and big bangs (it took a while to let it go)!
3. i was a "people pleaser".

5 years ago:
1. my whole world began to unravel.
2. we owned a gorgeous home.
3. i was in denial.

3 years ago:
1. we celebrated our 10 year anniversary...a cruise with our friends, a beautiful ring.
2. i was pregnant. wow, a decade after thinking that was all wrapped up!
3. i didn't realize life would get harder...that it would all fall apart.

1 year ago:
1. i made the biggest decision of my life...all by myself. it was a good decision, the right decision.
2. i moved for the first time in my life to a place my parents didn't live.
3. i left my best friend. one of the very hardest things i have ever had to do.

So far this year:
1. i have realized that at the end of the day the only relationship i can be sure of is one with God.
2. i have cherished a TON of wonderful and amazing memories with my husband and children...i am so GRATEFUL.
3. i have done a lot of soul searching, praying, pity-partying, whining, laughing, changing, growing, grieving, letting go, hanging on, forgiving, accepting, loving.

Yesterday I:
1. i went on a wonderful walk with "my lanie" and our kids...it was absolutely perfect and so much fun!
2. experienced my first "chinook" since moving to calgary.
3. made tonight's dinner so i could have a "playday" today.

Today I:
1. walked with girlfriends and our "babies" to coffee and mcdonalds and thought how awesome it is to get my second cup coffee 2 days in a row!
2. had my daily chat with mairi on the phone...one of the best parts of my day.
3. thought how proud i am of myself that i was active 5 times this week.

Tomorrow I:
1. will sleep in...yay! it's saturday!
2. am going to my first christmas craft fair/bizarre of the season.
3. will search the internet again hoping for walmart and target's black friday ads to be leaked.

In the next year I:
1. pray i see a babies in the arms some people that are very special to me and so ready to be parents.
2. hope i continue to pursue a "healthier" cher.
3. want to cherish every day, make them count and matter and always be thankful.

Super Snazzy Spectacles...

2009-11-02T23:09:00.019-07:00

The long and the short of it is this: Taya getting trampled while playing at school equals two hundred dollars. While she likes the look of being without glasses, the poor child is blind as a bat without them!

She is this endearing, loveable, easy going, funny girl. I love that she wears glasses. I found shopping for them with her to be a total hoot. She has this snazzy personality and is totally fine to express it optically. So, while she would have been thrilled to have the ultra trendy, current and totally hip frames that came in bold colors such as fire engine red and fushia or a vibrant (screaming loud) purple...I was able to guide her to a pair that was less dramatic but with a little flair to them still.

We took some pics of us shopping for that perfect look. In the end, she was pleased with the pair she ultimately chose. While not alarming in color, the arms of the glasses really said, "fun".

The Grand Prize Winner...something both mom and daughter agreed on:

While we had no choice but to bring Demi along with us, I was fully and completely giving Taya my undivided attention. Until, Taya glanced over and saw Demi had gotten into mommy's purse and was found doing this:

It's easy to see how much fun it is to be their mom!

When I get where I'm going....

2009-10-21T10:41:00.014-06:00

This week my parents are in Australia. They are attending the wedding of Ashleah Allana Taylor, daughter of their/our dear friends Kari and Al. In our brief time living in the same place (Prince George), their lives, their friendship touched our lives in a profound way and left a mark that lasts a lifetime. They died together on August 18, 2009. For the last 2 months there have been at least a dozen times I have attempted to write some appropriate tribute, but each attempt seems so trivial, not enough, or i can't see the screen for the tears in my eyes and the lump in my throat stops me from moving forward. I am one among thousands of lives that they touched. I am so beyond happy that my parents are there. As I sit on the other side of the world I ache with them as they grieve, and rejoice with them as they celebrate Ashleah's wedding day. There are many stunning tributes on you tube that convey how big and beautiful they lived their lives. I am so thankful to have known and loved them and to have been known and loved by them.

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/queensland/daughter-watches-as-parents-struck-down-and-killed-by-4wd-20090819-eqgv.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSO6pS-T1AY&feature=related

October 10th, Erik and I attended 2 funerals for his friends from high school one of which was his roommate when he was 19. I had a couple of interactions over the last 15 years with each guy. We sat near the back for both services. Both had many who loved them. I cried, not because I really knew them, but because I could hear their mother's sobs from the front echo all the way to the back of the church. Jeff and Gordy died together. Their deaths were also very published.

http://www.theprovince.com/news/Kamloops+pair+slain+Mexico+were+under+surveillance/2044356/story.html

After Jeff and Gordy's funerals I told Erik that at some point we should have at least one conversation about our funerals, what our wishes would be, etc. All he said was that he knows he for sure wants this Brad Paisley song played. As I listen to it today, I think it's perfect for him.

I know if she is still alive my mom would be heard sobbing, but I am left to wonder and really ponder...what will people say of me? Write of me? Will I have made a difference?

Rants and Raves

2009-10-14T14:37:00.006-06:00

When I lived in Lynden one of the things I enjoyed on occasion was reading the "rants and raves" section of craigslist. Some of them were rude and crude, some of them were over the top, but in the mix was always some things of merit. I started thinking today is the kind of day when my home is quiet but my thoughts are busy. Which led me to thinking I will make my own list of rants and raves.

Raves:

A two year old that still has a 2-3 hour nap. This is needed to keep the pace with her. Thank you, Lord.

Ok, so this is the absolute coolest. Perhaps I have been living under a rock and am the last to know about these. But, this week I was told that there is such a thing as crockpot liners!!! That's right girls, no more breaking your back scrubbing a dish that is as heavy as your toddler. Talk about making the crockpot meal even more enticing. When it offers effort time of 5 minutes and cleanup time of 5 minutes and it's not dropping $50 bucks at a restaurant...then it deserves a rave (technically, it deserves it's own post).

Husbands...mine deserves a raving for standing in the freezing cold, snow and other nasty weather conditions allowing me to sit in this lovely home with the fireplace burning so I can play with the baby, be home for the older girls, and write this post. I look at him and think right now, more than ever, he is the jack of all trades. His current roles include: carpentry...love the new toddler bed, chauffeur (he does all the driving when we are on vacation or it snows), best friend, prep cook some nights, balancer of girl hormone levels, and these are all besides his day job. Thank you, honey.

Allrecipes.com which is probably my new fave. I love that I can look in the fridge, type in 4 ingredients, and find a great recipe complete with lots of reviews.

The condo. The most wonderful purchase my parents ever made. One of my most favorite places in the world. It offers family time, rest, time to play games, read books, watch movies, scenic beauty, and quickly sets my mind and heart to rest.

I want to hunt down and hug the creator of the portable dvd. While I have some guilt that we didn't spend all 12 hours on the road playing find 3 things, or name that license plate with our children and maximize the "family time". I will suck it up and say my parents were much better parents than us and send my verbal hug to the creator of "peace in a vehicle".

Cheesy Songs that just make you feel good. The song you are listening to is among my all time favorite cheesy songs. Yup, right up there with "You're so Vain". The saddest part of finding this song to add to my playlist was that I couldn't find it performed by Anne Murray. The best version EVER!

Rants:

My own lack of computer knowledge. This would be why i haven't blogged or posted. Something's up with the usb port and apparently I am not smart enough to fix it/figure it out. It will annoy me badly enough to resolve soon enough. Unlike past experiences with say scrapbooking I have carried on and taken pictures. That's progress.

Snow before December 22. If this was on my kids lists it would be on raves and so while I will enjoy observing them enjoy it...I could totally live without it.

Facebook chat...starting to get on my nerves. On the rare occasion it works and doesn't say "sending" repeatedly the rest of the time I'm usually getting booted off.

The metric system...guess I should do a refresher course. Can't we all just use inches and feet? Another suggestion would be to tell the temperature in just Fahrenheit. I've had to resort to having to say I am going for a long walk in the cold and it doesn't sound nearly as horrific as walking 13 kilometers in -27. *just an example...not an actual experience.*

Battery Thieves. They keep breaking into our house and stealing them from Demi's toys and all the remotes. Lucky for me I think I should be able to bribe the bandit. Since she used all the "juice" and left evidence. I would so love to post the 300+ photos with friends, 100 of which are probably self portraits. Pics that will never be Brielle's facebook profile picture but will have been the reason I can't turn the channel even when it is Demi's nap time.

Like I said, just ramblings today. Hope your day is filled with more raves than rants!

Demi Chenelle...

2009-09-14T14:10:00.020-06:00

Sweet baby girl,
It's just moments away from your big #2 birthday. Just saying it makes me want to cry. Each and every time I try to write this I cry...that hard cry that overcomes me, that says the emotions are almost overwhelming when I think of you, or that every square inch of my heart loves you so big. You arrived into our lives at a time I would have said was "inconvenient". But, God knew that he was giving us such a gift and you were part of His perfect plan. From the moment I knew of you, I was completely enamoured, taken, in love with you. The first time I heard your heart beat was the moment I couldn't imagined life before you. But, the first time ever I saw your face...I was forever changed. I don't believe there has been a day in the last 2 years where I didn't quietly thank God specifically for you. You gave me a reason to smile each and every day during one of the hardest years of my life. You gave me direction and purpose because you needed me. You have brought laughter and love, giggles and pride, calmness and peace, and such a sweetness to our family.

Things you love:

your blanket "saucy"
max and ruby dvd
singing (it's the sweetest sound in my day...and you sing ALL day)
daddy...you are his princess buttercup
your sisters (brielle helps you and taya plays with you and you light up each time you see them come into the room)
molly and the big comfy couch
puppies
bubbles
playing outside
toe nail polish
being naked
mini marshmellows
doing "morning" with mommy (our snuggle time)
doing "ny-ny" (bedtime) with mama and daddy (review of the day, 2 songs, prayer, "i wub you's" and kisses
peas and green beans

I have often said since your birth that savoring each moment has not slowed it down...if I could have I would have. You are so precious to us, Demi. Happy 2nd Birthday, baby.

Love, Mama

autumn...

2009-09-07T23:31:00.009-06:00

it's upon us...my FAVORITE season! welcome fall. the things i most appreciate about autumn range from the perfect scented candle, ALL the decor, the colors, baking and feeling it's warmth in my home all day, the schedule and routine, the "quieting" of me. we had such a fun and crazy summer and i can easily say of it, the kids loved every minute. but, fall...fall is my time. it's like there is room in the day just for me. for a long bubble bath at night, moments to reflect and journal, time for a walking schedule, or to read a good book, time for my thoughts.

yesterday, i made my first batch of fireside coffee...awww fall has arrived! it's a coffee recipe i got several years from one of my girlfriends (who is a fabulous cook). it's a perfect companion to a slice of "candy bread" (that's what my daughters call banana bread and pumpkin loaves). for me, fireside is to autumn what the tree is to christmas. here is the recipe:

~FIRESIDE COFFEE~
2 cups instant hot cocoa (hot chocolate for canadians)
2 cups dry coffee creamer (coffeemate)
1 cup instant coffee (erik likes it when i double this amount)
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1 1/2 cup cups sugar (i use less...about half that much)

mix well and then store in container of your choice.
add 2-3 tbsp. to hot water...enjoy! it makes such a great gift.

i would love to know what your favorite fall recipes are. whether they be something for the crockpot or a favorite loaf, a comforting casserole or a fabulous cookie...please share!

It's all but over...

2009-08-24T13:33:00.013-06:00

Summer 2009 has been FABULOUS! Some of the highlights were:

2 trips to the condo totalling 20 days spent there...AWESOME!
2 trips to Lynden which means I got to be with my Kimmy and Kestin =)
Brielle is officially a teenager as of August 1st (not just acting like one)
Taya turned 11 and likes to be refered to as a pre-teen
Erik got a new job complete with a $6.50 per hour raise...YAY us!!
Taya went camping with Mara to their family's seasonal lot
Demi can count to 10 with a few made up numbers in between
Demi's ability to count facilitated the ability to play hide and seek, it's so cute
We got to the Lynden fair and Calaway park
We saw Erik's family, watched our nephew play in a ball hockey championship.
Our friends Stef and Shane joined us at the condo
We now drive a Suburban (no need to draw imaginary lines where each child is allowed to breath/move)
Celebrating my Grandparents 60th wedding anniversary was a gift
Brielle had her first real job and spent a month with my parents...a wish of hers for years
Erik was able to determine he would rather drive the boat than be on the tube (after he sustained injuries...go figure!)
Larissa (our favorite child) vacationed to the condo with us and now Brielle is vacationing with their family in Coeur D' Alene, Idaho
I got much time with my besties
I had Thai more than once
Lots of overnight guests
Aunty Penny and Aunty Lorelei made a beautiful birthday brunch/party for Taya
I had coffee on my mom's deck many sunny mornings
At long last I got a precious block of time with my dear friend, Traci (I'm now officially on the list of drop-in friends)
I had the most perfect sunset walk with my dad
I read more than one book
Demi had her first plate of poffertjes and first ice cream cone
I only got sunburned 2 times
Erik and I had multiple movie dates
We shared many sunsets

I am beyond thankful for such a beautiful season. I have been blessed.

The Best Vacation EVER...

2009-07-15T16:36:00.006-06:00

Don't you just love it when the family all agrees that you have just had the best vacation EVER??? We just did. It was amazing. We were gone for two and a half blissful, perfect, relaxing fun-filled weeks. I am not going to get real "wordy" since we took a ton of fabulous pics that clearly reflect the great time had by all. The best parts of our vacation were:

the best surprise ever...Larissa (our favorite child)joined us!!!
wonderful weather...hot, hOt, HOT!!!
we had a few days of "just us" family time
the honor of celebrating my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary! AMAZING!!
bought a suburban (travelling just got a whole lot nicer)
we were surprised by J and Em (the boys finally got some "bromance" time)
we had a whole day of boating with our friends Tyler and Lana...good times!
we watched a ton of movies
fun get-togethers with our favorite aunts and uncles!
we played hard with our children
watched beautiful sunsets on the deck and felt so blessed to be sharing that moment!
we bbq'd almost every meal...you ARE the grill master, my love!
we got time with mom and dad...the BEST people in the world to vacation with...way to much fun (seriously, they really are)!!!

"Happy Daddy's Day"

2009-06-20T21:14:00.013-06:00

Things I have overheard my dad say repeatedly through my life:

1. "Steak and Beans" diet. Eat beans so that sometimes you can have steak. He has taught me great money management tips!

2. "You will hit the wall, but you can still finish the race". I have seen him do this in many areas of his life.

3. Almost every day life is "fabulous".

4. "Everyone should have "happy feet". Thanks for every pair of shoes you put on my feet, dad!

5. "We weren't looking for perfect kids...just well adjusted adults". (Thank goodness!)

6. "Take a picture with your heart"...it seems as though each time he said it we didn't have a camera along. I remember those moments well.

7. "Life is what happens while we were busy making other plans".

8. "The happy Black family rides again"! Every time we all got in the vehicle. It didn't matter if we were going a block or across the country.

9. "I quite like having colorful speech".

10. "Aren't grandkids just the best"!?! and "It just doesn't get any better than this" -when holding the grandbabies.

Dad,
What a gift you are to me. Your personality, sunny disposition, gentleness, kindness made for a wonderful childhood. Growing up, we were always secure in your love. The fact that you were not a yeller, that you made time for us every day, openly adored our mom in front of us, and started each day on such a positive note was such a gift to us. There have been countless times in my life when I have disappointed you. But, when I see you look at me all I ever notice is the pride in your eyes and a smile that beams. I hear it in your voice every time you say "my girl, my girl Cher". You are among one of the most generous people I know and always have been. You stop and enjoy life. You hit the deck running when needed. You are a visionary. You don't cuss. You make everyone you speak to feel important. You care about orphans. You support all the we want to do in our lives. You have given us fabulous vacations. You have lived and modeled your "faith" in a real and sincere way and I always wanted to know God the way I felt you knew Him. I love you very much dad. Thank you for being "fabulous", "spectacular", thank you for being you. It is with that same love and pride that I dedicate this post to "my dad, my dad Dave".

Erik,
When I watch you watch the girls I see that same look in your eyes I always saw in my dad's towards me. Maybe, it's just a daddy/daughter thing. Each day I watch you give all to our girls. I love that you take time to hold each one of them...but have room on your lap for all 3 of them. I love the way you protect them and care that they grow up to be lovely women. I love that you take them on dates. I love watching you teach them life lessons. I love watching you play with them. I love that you embraced being surrounded with girls and quite like it that way! Thank you for being the dad you are to our children. I love you so very much!

When you love someone...

2009-06-17T15:09:00.005-06:00

Someday I think I might like to be a DJ. I really should. I love music and really enjoy some from all genres. I feel like life should be put to music. In many ways, blogging does that for me.

I was sitting here listening to this song and decided this is the one I would use if Erik and I ever renewed our vows. I feel like it explains me/us. I know everyone has opinions, feelings and thoughts on Erik and I staying married. As I listened to the words I thought to myself...this is exactly how I feel...and that's why we are still married. Just thought I'd share.

Midnight Special...

2009-06-16T01:35:00.012-06:00

Awwww...my time of day. All is clean and besides that...all is quiet in our home. It's Midnight. My time of day. As much as I wish I was a morning gal, then I would have to give up my nights. Once again, some of last week's loneliness spilled into this weeks comings and goings. I knew this was inevitable...part of a big move. While I had some teary moments and 2 big cries, I really did have a good week with a bit more activity than other weeks I have had so far.

Since this is the hour when I come to life I thought it might be fun to share some of what I do or look at during the wee hours (besides endless loads of laundry).

Favorite Pics of the Week:

1. The girl's sleepover guests and bbq (i especially like the one of Demi stealing Lucy's chips while Lucy smiles for the pic.
2. Our new deck
3. Demi into all sorts of naughtiness...we are in a really "busy" time of life.
4. A picture of Erik and I on our way out to "date night".
5. Demi doing her morning routine. Putting on her "outfit" a bra and brushing her teeth.

Favorite Websites of the Week:

http://www.ricekrispies.com/
They have so many really fun ideas and great recipes.

Picking out Demi's "big girl bed" and ordering it...so super cute!

http://www.target.com/StorkCraft-Soom-Toddler-Bed-White/dp/B000GHQ5BA/sr=1-20/qid=1245138128/ref=sr_1_20/176-2317994-0650459?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=0&index=target&rh=k%3Atoddler%20bed&page=1

(Sorry I don't know how to do a link. I will have to ask one of my fellow bloggers to share how to do that. But, if you want to take a look you can copy and paste.)

Favorite Purchase of the Week:

A great chicken Marinade...mmmm I will definitely buy it again and post a pic.

Favorite Thought/Quote of the Week:

Courtesy of one of the best kids I know. Larissa posted this on her facebook and I loved it!

"God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."

Sleep well friends...would love to hear what have been the highlights of your week...count on me to there to listen if you ever want to chat about it...at Midnight!

8 things...

2009-06-14T23:30:00.012-06:00

tagged again!

8 things I am looking forward to:

1. going to the condo...ten days of bliss on the lake!
2. school being done. we are not used to going until the end of the month.
3. slurpees
4. grass. they are laying sod next week. yay!!!
5. 2 months of not waking up to an alarm.
6. my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary...how cool is that.
7. meeting my cousin's baby. they leave in less than 2 weeks to columbia to pick up their first baby...a son.
8. my next hair appointment with sadie. boy, do i need it!

8 things I did yesterday:

1. got groceries
2. hosted a sleepover(never sure how the word sleep makes it into that statement).
3. bbq'd
4. contemplated writing geoff bode a personal email to inquire how he got the phenomenal bejeweled score (336,500) crazy!!!!
5. sat on our new deck with erik.
6. went to walmart.
7. cleaned the kitchen 18 times.
8. bathed demi twice.

8 things I wish I could do:

1. be in two places at once.
2. protect my kids from undue hurt.
3. clean my house and have it stay that way for the entire weekend.
4. go on a vacation with my husband.
5. find the time and creativity to scrapbook or sell off all my stuff.
6. win the lottery...should buy a ticket at some point i guess.
7. have more self-discipline.
8. do something that makes a difference...just not sure what that it yet.

8 shows I watch:

1. brothers and sisters...love it!
2. young and the restless...they still are both after 20 years of watching.
3. grey's anatomy
4. private practice
5. big comfy couch (gladly i might add...half an hour of free babysitting)
6. big brother!!!
7. amazing race
8. bachelor/bachlorette...it's going to be the most dramatic rose ceremony ever this week! i have to watch!

I don't have a ton of people to tag. but i'd love to see yours on facebook or email!

Yay Mr. Postman!!!

2009-06-11T11:54:00.006-06:00

GOD BLESS MY MAMA AND DADDY!!!! Yesterday was a fantastic "mail day". The only things in our box were a care package from my parents, a check from revenue canada with a small tax return and the Michael's 50% off coupon. We were pumped! I don't ever remember a day were our mail was quite that fabulous!

Our package included:
peach crystal light (my fave...best from the u.s.)
bunn coffee filters
3 pairs of shorts for demi and a cute little shirt
2 pairs of jeans for me
$20 cash for brielle and taya
4 tubs my favorite instant coffee
erik's father's day gift (cold hard cash to do whatever he want with)

Some of our favorites! Thanks so much mom and dad. We all felt so loved and thought of. You are the best!

There goes my life...

2009-06-08T14:02:00.009-06:00

It may seem as though you never see much of Taya. We don't either these days. Taya is an amazingly undemanding, easy going, fun loving, on the go, with her girlfriends, chronic sleep over, webkinz playing, bathing suit wearing kind of gal. So, for the last month she has BUSY. Makes it difficult to post a ton of pics of her. I have told her that mommy and daddy really miss her and so we are going to have "Taya Day" in the next couple of weeks. I love her role in our family. I have said often of her that God always knew Taya would be a middle child. She so fits the role. Her personality is simply lovely. I can't wait to write all about her.

This post is about Brielle aka. "Birdelle", "laylee" (Demi's version of Brielly). Over the last month I feel like every morning I wake up and she has changed. I'm not joking. I will take a picture of her and a week later I will take another and she looks more grown up. It reminds me of baby growth spurts. You put a pair of pants on them and then the following week you put on those same pair of pants and in a weeks time they have become "high waters". I'm watching this happen in every area of her life. I feel like I am not ready in so many ways.

Yesterday Erik and I took her to the mall. A brief reprieve from her grounding that she is currently on. With only a week of grounding to go, an massive attitude improvement and $80 of babysitting money in hand...she was thrilled. We picked a meeting spot and drilled every parental rule into her head in 5 minute lecture form. You know the ones like, "you don't need to spend every dime. In fact save half of your money" and "even if they are a mall employeees you aren't allowed to speak to any males between the ages of 8 and 80" or "if you step one foot outside of this mall your new grounding will be for 60 days which translates to your whole life in teenager". Once Erik felt we had all bases covered we parted ways so we could go to our movie. As she walked away Erik said this and I could have bawled instantly. "There goes my life".

When Brielle was little Kenny Chesney came out with that song and I always thought of us when I heard it and thought it would be a good fit for a wedding dance for her and her dad. All of the sudden 13 years flashed in front of my face and I realized how fast this is all going. It seems like we are in the thick of parenting her and I stay so focused on what is on my heart to teach her. But that little moment has reminded me to slow it down as much as possible and enjoy all the moments I can over the next few years.

Things we remind Brielle:
1. Honor God
2. Honor your parents
3. Honor yourself
4. Honor your body

Things I remind myself:

1. Hold your ground on things that matter
2. Hold your tongue on things that don't
3. Hold onto the moments because they pass so quickly
4. Hold her often because she is always your baby

Brielle, I wish I could bundle up all the love that daddy and I have for you so that you could feel it every moment of every day. I promise you this is the some of the hardest times of life. Keep growing...I'll hold on.

Thursday with Cher...

2009-06-04T13:24:00.016-06:00

So, due to writer's block...like, severe. And perhaps the "lack of an interesting life", and maybe a little bit of depression. I have decided to follow Tiffiny's lead and do a Thursday post. Even if it's just for this week. But, I have no choice. Even I am sick of hearing Wham sing "wake me up before you go-go" and I picked the song! It's an awesome idea and the best part about Tiff is she encourages every one else to follow suit. So here we go:

I am thankful for:
The sun. If it were not for the sun and the warm weather this week would have been a hard one. I think this stands out as "the loneliest week thus far". Erik says he can see it on my face. I am thankful that Brielle's one month grounding has turned out to be a good thing and not horrific punishment for Erik and I. I am most thankful for Erik. He is becoming my best friend. I am thankful we have this time in our lives to build that friendship. I am thankful we live in Calgary for all the above listed reasons.

I am listening to:
The Wiggles...annoying. Demi singing...precious. Listening to her sing is enough to make every day happy around here!

I am looking forward to:
We are having friends over this weekend. Erik's friend Tyler (he was in our wedding) and his girlfriend, Lana are coming over for a BBQ. Yay for me!!! Friends!!! I didn't realize how full our lives were with people until we moved and our life got very quiet. We also have plans to go to a movie. Last weekend we went to a movie for the first time in well over a year. It was so much fun we are going to go to another.

What's for dinner tonight:
Chicken soft tacos and tater tots. It's cheap and easy. Brielle and I usually have taco salads when I make that meal...nummy!

What I am missing: I miss Kim. Everyday I miss her. I miss Lynden. I miss sitting outside at Tiff's on hot days and watching the kids play in Olivia's wading pool. I miss taking the kids for a late afternoon swim at beachwood. I miss buying the kids summer clothes at Target. I miss going through Cruisin Coffee for a "cool coffee cloud". I miss my nephews, especially when I see the pics on Ross and Taya's blog. They are growing and changing so fast and I have always wished I could see them every week. I miss my parents. That's usually magnified right after I see them. If you are reading this...you probably fall on the list of people I am missing this week...it just seems to be the theme.

Pic of the week:
I thought this would be a fun thing to add. I think you should do it too Tiff. Demi basically stalks Brielle upon her arrival home from school. She is willing to do whatever Brielle wants to do. Really, anything to be in her presence. She calls her "Birdelle" and really rolls her r's when she says it. It is so cute!

I hope this weekend finds you thankful, stopping to listen, enjoying good meals, that you have something to look forward to, that you miss and are missed. And don't forget to take a few pictures along the way. For all this will mean you have lived and loved.

"Copying is the highest form of flattery" ~UNKNOWN

Go-Go...

2009-05-25T11:54:00.008-06:00

I just got back from a great week in Lynden. I had my pint-sized travel buddy along which alway makes for a different travel experience than previous times in my life. Demi requires packing like we are moving to wherever we headed. I never know if she will be loving being a frequent flyer or if the hour long flight will make me wish we had walked to Lynden! The flight there was rough since she doesn't do mornings and we left our house at 6 am. Our return flight was fabulous and the business man we sat next to started off looking quite perturbed at the seating arrangements and ended our flight blowing kisses to his new little friend. It was a go, go, go type of vacation. Here are some of the highlights:

1. My grandparents were in town at the same time and every little bit of time we get with them is so special.
2. I got a girl's night out with my besties..martini's and Thai food and a whole bunch of laughs...so good for the soul!
3. I was able to see Kim's gorgeous new house.
4. I had a pedicure with some of my favorite girls.
5. Demi tried fries and ketchup (she calls dip-dip) for the first time in her life and had her first lollipop, and got candy from the candy machines in Dutch Mothers!
6. I had a fabulous sleepover and shopping day with my niece Lynea...much needed and really one of the best parts of my whole trip.
7. I got to smother baby Kestin with kisses and have a lunch date with Larissa and Montana.
8. Had a hot tub with Stef. I always say I'm going to and never do.
9. Watched Survivor with Michelle and Stef, talked about weight and went on a late night run for blizzards from Dairy Queen! =)
10. Enjoyed lots of moments with my Mom and Dad. I love staying at their house!
11. Got to see Corey and quickly get caught up...have so much fun in Mexico friend!
12. Came home with full suitcases of "prizes"...I miss shopping there!!!
13. Demi got lots of one on one play time with Nana and Papa and the puppies of the neighborhood.
14. Crawling into bed with Nana and Papa.
15. The rain was gone and it was sun shiny everyday!

We had such a nice time. It's never long enough to fit it all in and I never get to see everyone I would have wanted to. So much of who and what I love is still living there. But, like any great vacation it's always wonderful to be so happy to get home. What is here...I love the most!

12 years...

2009-05-17T14:21:00.007-06:00

Today is our anniversary. Twelve years ago on this day we were thrilled it was a beautiful sunny day, I felt like a princess, and thought he looked like the most handsome man in the world. We were surrounded with people we loved, and we started on this uncharted territory called marriage feeling very confident (and my literary audience chuckles...don't worry I am too). Oh, we were so young and foolish and so in love. We had a beautiful wedding and a beautiful day.

Twelve years has brought us beautiful babies, exotic vacations, addictions, diets, births and deaths of family members, houses bought and sold, surrounded with friends, having no friends, financial freedoms and financial devastation, the accumulation of stuff, garage sales, hospital stays, 2 separations, heartache and tears, marriage conferences, marriage counseling, precious moments I would hope to never forget and our lowest, moment most devastating ugly moments I wish I could erase from my mind.

This is where you find us twelve years later...STILL TOGETHER! It is by the grace of God, it is amazing, it is a miracle, it was so hard, it was everything we said we wanted and promised each other we would do twelve years ago on this day. We didn't have a clue!

Erik, it is easy for me to say with all conviction...you are the love of my life. I would go to the ends of the world (and feel like we have) to find us here. I'm so thankful because I absolutely know you would too. I'm so glad we didn't "quit" each other. Happy Anniversary, Love.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon Mclaughlin

ABC's

2009-05-16T12:03:00.005-06:00

You will need to turn off my music down on the right hand side of the screen for this one. I just had to share this. Right now Demi and I are in Lynden. Yesterday morning, mom and I woke up and put on shows for Demi and the singing started. We marveled at how she is too little to say the words but already has an amazing little voice. I just had to share. She melts our hearts.

Mama's Day

2009-05-10T15:58:00.009-06:00

There are certain days in one's life you hope that a corner of your heart and mind will never forget. Something about each of my girls captured my attention today. Brielle is seeming so grown up. I watch her scoop up Demi and take charge, she is very nuturing and so good with babies. How I would love to stop the hands of time, and hold her on my lap (which she would never allow in public). I feel like I will blink and she will be a mother...she will be a great mom. Taya's gentle and easy going nature...pure loveable that kid! She is the first of my children to say Happy Mother's Day and the one to give me the most hugs, hoping each one is better than the last. Demi's curls and the way they look in the sunlight, her chubby cheeks and baby giggles. Her big wet kisses and little hands that hold my face while she gives mama "loves". Of all of the things I have been so far in my life...being their mom has been the best of me.

This is an emotional day for me. This is the first Mother's Day I have not been with my mom in my whole life. There is this ache to be with her. To give her a hug in person, on this day and say how much I love her. Thank you for teaching me how to be a mom. Thank you for loving me every day of 33 years, even when I didn't deserve it. Thanks for being the one to recognize, "the naughty one is the one who really needs your attention"...so thanks for spending all that extra time with me mom! Thanks for being the person who was by my side when I brought each one of my girls into the world...Mom, there is no one in this world like you.

Today was a special day. I felt so loved and appreciated by Erik and the girls. We went to church, got KFC, had a picnic...it was so much fun. I got a beautiful homemade card (my favorite) and a coffee gift certificate (also my fave). I was showered with compliments, hugs and kisses. This is one I will remember. I am so thankful for these little lives that God entrusted to me (us) to raise. What a huge honor and priveledge. I hope they grow into amazing women. I think they will. I pray their faith is big, their pride is small, that their inward beauty outshines the outward, and that they are always secure in who they are, and that they always know just how much I love them...just as they are. And I pray that they will know with all clarity...for all their life...God's unfailing love for them that so surpasses mine! Today was precious to me...one I will never forget!

I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. ~Abraham Lincoln

The Desk!

2009-05-06T14:22:00.008-06:00

So this is where all the magic happens!!! This was the desk that I have wanted since my friend Tiffiny got hers years ago (I offered to buy hers at least 10 times). Mom and Dad got it for my birthday gift (that was in January), then I had to wait until this month to find someone who was coming out to Calgary to deliver it. Then my sweet hubby had the 7 hour assembly task. I should mention Erik did so with no naughty words...I was so impressed! So, thank you dad and mom, Mark for delivering it, and Erik for putting it together!

I love, lOvE, LOVE it...every little thing about it! It is exactly my taste and was soooo worth the wait. For the last 5 years we have used any table like item to be a make shift desk. Even if I saw something else that I liked, I would still like mine more. My favorite part is the hutch and that it can be decorated for the seasons. I can't wait to buy baskets, I can't wait to be organized and get all my filing done. I am hoping to add an overstuffed chair and ottoman to the room and maybe a bookshelf in the next couple months. I already have the cutest little wrought iron side table picked out. This is the room that people walk into when entering our house from the front door. I am so thankful to have this space a whole lot cuter. It's a room that is quickly becoming my favorite in the house! This will be where I am sitting when I kick all your butts at bejeweled!!

Mother's Day Memories...

2009-04-27T21:34:00.007-06:00

Mother's Day is fast approaching and I was thinking ahead to one of my favorite days of the year. I was thinking how strange it will be to not be near my mom. I hope that we can make her feel loved and celebrated from a distance. I am wracking my brain for good gift ideas that we don't need to take a loan out for shipping!

Then I was thinking about one of my most favorite Mother's Day memories. Brielle was three and had spent the night at my parents the night before. Nana let me have a sleep in as part of my Mother's Day gift. When Brielle walked in she was holding a gift bag and was beyond proud and excited. She hopped onto the bed and said, "Happy Mama's Day, I shopped at Nana's house for you"! It was all she could do to not rip the entire gift apart for me.

One by one I lifted out each item and with each one I oohed and awed and her face beamed with pride. Here is what was in the bag:

a travel size perfume (a sample from avon)
tylenol
bubble bath
baby powder (travel size)
travel wipes
and a tampon

We sat on the bed chatting with my mom and Erik and she said, "mommy, I need to give this medicine to Daddy cuz he gets headaches at his work" to which I replied, "ok, honey that is so nice of you". Not two minutes later she tells me that baby Taya needs the wipes. "Sure honey, no problem"! She decided that she would keep the bubble bath for herself and give nana back the perfume. Leaving me with? Yup, the tampon!!

The funniest part was when she had realized that she had re-gifted all my gifts she dug in the bag one last time, pulled out the tampon and said, "mama I saved this one for you and it is very special because I don't even know what it is and it is still wrapped"!

My mom and Erik laughed so hard they had tears streaming down their faces and all I could say was how appropriate!

Here we are 10 years later and it is one of my funniest memories. Being their mom has been my greatest honor, my biggest challenge. The moments I am most proud of revolve around parenting them. The things I carry the most remorse and shame for are for "bad days or moments" parenting them. And my best laughs and biggest smiles have always come from my children. I look at Brielle today and think where did the time go? I will savor this time I have left with my girls, even on the days it feels like all I am left with is a tampon!

36...

2009-04-22T20:39:00.002-06:00

That's how old my hubby turned last week. It's hard to believe I have loved him 14 of those years. We may not have been together every one of those days, but I loved him...all 5,110 of them. Erik is not a big "birthday bash" kind of guy. Not at all like me. I love my birthday. I love other people's birthdays. Surprise parties, kids parties. It's the celebration of you, that you matter, that somehow the world is better for having you in it. The new year and all that it will bring. The ways a person changes, grows, matures. The newness and excitement of what lies ahead.

Since it was his birthday we celebrated it low key, the way he likes it. Just a nice family dinner. He picked the menu cuz that's what the birthday kid gets to do!

Later, we checked facebook and he had some really nice messages from friends, his stepmom, his sister in law (Kelly...whom I love), my family. Some were on my page and some on his. He is not a facebook junkie like me (he is barely ever on there) so I thought it was impressive given how few "facebook friends" he has, just how many b-day wishes he got.

If you were to ask, he would say he is not nearly "successful" as he was once upon a time in regards to his career, but he has a decent job and he works hard everyday. One of his best qualities. I look at him laying on the couch with 3 little girls sprawled out all over him and I could just melt...he is a good dad. I see that life (his, ours) has aged him, but I can't help but think how handsome he is.

I watch my children love on and celebrate their dad on his special day. I am proud. Proud to be in this moment, with him, proud of our children for the sweet and caring girls they are. I think to myself, "right now he looks like a success to me".

What a year it has been. I am happy, thankful, amazed for where we are today. But I am tired and I think he is too.

We crawl into bed and I whisper, "happy birthday, love". I hope this year is a good year...a really good year.

An Easter to Remember...

2009-04-22T14:23:00.010-06:00

Typically, when our family leaves to go anywhere on vacation I am exhausted before I start the preparations. I have to leave the house spotless, have all the laundry done, pack for 5, have the fridge cleaned out, garbage gone, car detailed, and anything that I deem can't wait 2 days. This requires what my mom and I affectionately refer to as an "all-nighter". That's what crazy women do before travel. My husband is scared when he hears this phrase. While he knows that the house will be glowing, I usually sport a "non vacation attitude the size of Texas" for the first half of the road trip until I decide I should apologize to my family for being a "crabby patty" due to my lack of sleep and the fact that I do all the work...well I do! This time, I was so excited to get away for some alone time and really needing it that I didn't. I just didn't. I tidied the house. there was still a load of laundry in the hamper. I didn't do the fridge. And guess what...I lived. It was a good start!

Erik got off work at his normal time and was home by 5:30 and we were on the road with coffees in hand by 7:00. I glance in the backseat and immediately start praying. The girls are jammed in the back like sardines and the only thing we have going for us is how excited they are to see nana and papa. They had great attitudes and did so well though! Overall, our drive was painless. We arrived to the condo in the Okanagan at about 2:00 am B.C. time (we are an hour ahead in Alberta) and the girls helped daddy unload while I got Demi's playpen set up and her back to sleep.

We had a couple really mellow, movie watching, sand playing, eating, sleeping, reading, gameboy and x-box playing kind of days...it was PERFECT! Then my parents arrived and the only thing that changed was we did all of the above mentioned with them. Nana made a wonderful dinner for Erik's birthday. He chose steak for his birthday dinner...woooo, big shocker there! Mom brought all the supplies and helped us make these adorable little nests that we filled with eggs. There was stiff competition in the creativity department and Erik took this craft time very seriously! I thought they were just adorable. They would be so cute if the nests were little with only 3 or 4 eggs in each. If you would like the recipe just email me.

On Sunday, our extended family joined us and we celebrated with my Grandpa and Grandma, Aunty Penny and Uncle Jim, my cousin Lorelei and her hubby James. We all contributed to a beautiful meal and then came time to hunt for the eggs. If you have never done this with my family you will probably want to get your name on the waiting list for next year (especially now that Ross and I have both moved). Dave and Deb wrap Easter candy in CASH!!!!! Yup, you are searching (taking out relatives...people you claim to love) for $20's on a peanut butter cup! It was so fun!

We had another day of just being with Mom and Dad, the girls soaked up all the attention and snuggles and sing-song time with them. At one point it looked like dad and Erik were going to attempt to fish, but I think it was mostly playing with the rods and gear.

As Christians, Easter is such a special occasion and for me personally I am so thankful for Jesus and the price that He paid on the cross for me and my sins. So, amazed, in awe and grateful knowing He would have done it...even if it was just for me. I hope your Easter was as meaningful and special as ours was.

A little thing I like to call....

2009-04-16T23:31:00.009-06:00

A "Redneck Garbage Disposal"! That what I called it the other day and Erik just about wet his pants he was laughing so hard. This refers to the process of one, sweet wife/mother (that would be yours truly) stirring, stirring, and more stirring, still stirring, even as you read I'm probably stirring, while running water to flush the food down the drain.

I think it's amazing that this gorgeous house didn't come with one. Every house we have ever lived in has had one. Then I thought, maybe it's an American thing that houses come standard with. But, after some inquiry (it's not like I suggested they all live in igloos here) it seems as if most Canadian families also have one.

This is one of those things that you don't realize how much you use, until you have to go back to not having one. It took about 3 days of living in a garbage disposal deficient zone before I started complaining. That would have been November 12th, 2008. The situation was quickly rectified when inquiring minds (my mom and dad) asked what we wanted for Christmas and at the top of Erik's list read: GARBAGE DISPOSAL!!!!

Well, wouldn't you know it...he got his wish. A top of the line, no blade, guaranteed to never rust or smell up your house, gorgeous, all chrome disposal. I, of course couldn't have been more happy for him! I was so excited I told him to go ahead and clear his schedule and get that puppy installed. I will take the girls shopping and you can "play with tools".

To make a long story short, it was way to big to fit around the pipes under the sink and since then we just haven't gotten a chance to get the right one.

I rarely nag my husband, it's just not really my personality. I prefer to take the "creative motivational approach" which consisted of me telling my adoring man TONIGHT (as they mocked me and took pictures) that I am not above posting this hardship I am suffering on my blog (complete with pictures to prove) and getting many sympathetic comments and feedback from all our friends and family. You should soon be viewing pics of me by my new disposal!

And the Winners Are....

2009-04-08T00:46:00.006-06:00

Last week I posted a "pay it forward" giveaway/challenge. And the winners are...each and every one of you! This would not have been the case had I had 27 people respond. But, I had committed to paying it forward to 5 and when only 7 took the challenge I realized that I would rather give/do a little something for all of you sometime in the next year than draw names. You are all wonderful people, generous people. Thanks for you sweet sentiments about the blog. I am looking forward to blessing you and watching you be blessed as you give it away too!

CoNgRaTs~
Sarah Ortiz
Aunty Linda
Brandy Timmer
Amber Erdmann
Tiffiny Vrieling
Ross and Taya Black
Traci Likkel

Beautiful Banff

2009-04-05T22:01:00.010-06:00

Today was: Gorgeous, Breathtaking, Awesome, Magnificent...today was PERFECT!! We loaded up all ten of us (my friend Stefanie and her four children are here for the weekend) and headed to Banff. We were on the road by 11 am. That was the first miracle! Ummm...ok laugh but if you know me you would know that's impressive just to get me and my family out in the world let alone 5 others by that time of day with lunches packed.) The second being we had the most beautiful weather we have had here since we moved...it was warm! This was an outing Erik and I have been planning since we moved here. Besides being one of the wonders of the world (at least to us) the Canadian Rocky Mountains are one of God's best wonders! Everything about today was exactly what our family needed. It was wonderful to step away from the city and its fast pace and into a place that literally quietly restores you just by it's beauty. We didn't do all that we would have wanted to do (the next visit is already planned.) Stefanie and her kids went up the gondola. We had some family time and did a picnic while they did that. None of us got to the "Hot Springs", which was fine. Why spoil a perfect day with having to put on a swimsuit! LOL! Actually, that is a "must do" for our next trip back. Besides being a great day weather wise, there was such an amazing feeling about having done the great idea instead of just thinking it. We all give Banff 2 thumbs up...so that really equals 20!

PS. LOTS OF PICS...two whole songs worth!

We don't hit people we love...or scream!

2009-03-31T16:26:00.010-06:00

Yesterday I just had to laugh when my sister in law put as her facebook status update that "Ross and Taya Black are helping their 3 year old have a "happy heart". SO FUNNY RIGHT?!? I found myself quite amused thinking about raising children and how they can just really struggle to be kind, gentle, have a good attitude, all the things they really need to learn at home. You will all get a kick out of what we were dealing with for the rest of the evening. You will want to pause my music playlist near the bottom of the page on the right hand side.

Things to note in the video clip:

1. I never got a chance while camera was rolling to tell her she was doing wrong.
2. The other "full time parent" (her father) is laying on the couch never looking up from the tv.
3. We laugh at her naughtiness because this is the first time she has exhibited this behavior...we were kind of shocked.
4. She wasn't disciplined on camera, leaving the audience to wonder just how well behaved this child will be at 2 years old.

Things to know:

1. She continued to do this 6 more times.
2. Daddy did get up and she got her first time out...cried very hard.
3. She gave sister big loves and did "sorry" many times.
4. Next time I will not laugh at my poor sister in law...I am busy parenting!

Give it Away!

2009-03-29T18:18:00.007-06:00

This is my most favorite "forward" on facebook thus far. I have been waiting to do a giveaway on my blog. I knew I wouldn't be able to wait for my one year blog-anniversary to do it. At first, I thought I would do it somewhere around the 1,000th viewing, then that came and went. Then I came upon this idea and decided it was perfect. I was fortunate enough to be one of the 1st five to respond to my friend Christine's note on facebook and I am so excited. Even more than that I am excited to tweak it a little.

The rules of the facebook note are that the first 5 people to respond will receive a handmade/homemade gift sometime in the next year(2009). And here comes the part I love. The condition to accepting this gift is that you must "pay it forward" to five more who would respond to your note. I love conscious, thoughtful giving as much as I love spontaneous and unannounced giving. This is going to be so much fun!!

Here is where the tweaking comes in. Due to the fact that I live away from most of my blog followers, there is a possibility that not all of my gifts will be homemade. Some may be purchased...but I promise it will be with you in mind and heartfelt. I am totally confident I will be having to mail most, if not all. Please leave a comment about the blog, things you like or don't like. What you would like to see me talk more or less about. If you want less talk more photos (although this could be an issue since I really feel like I am trying really hard to take more pics these days because of the blog. And I am driving my family nuts with all the pictures!) I am totally thrilled to hear any and all feedback! And to know that you are following and/or stalking the blog...let me know you are out there! Also, to be fair this will not be based on the first 5 people to respond, not all of us are stay at home moms that can blog stalk everyday in between rounds of bejeweled blitz. All who respond will be entered into a drawing and 5 names will be drawn at the end of a week.

"We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love." ~Mother Teresa

Like the facebook note the same rules apply...you must pay it forward! So, please enter with that in mind!

Home...

2009-03-29T12:28:00.009-06:00

After a wonderful spring break trip to Lynden...we are home! We were gone eight days. Eight very busy, jam packed, running around, crazy, wild days! We stayed at my parents house. We love staying there. This time was strange because they weren't there. They are off being "snowbirds". My time was full of appointments, working at Dutch Mother's, friends, shopping and shuttling the girls from place to place.

Brielle, devoted all of her time to Larissa and opted out of seeing anyone else since Larissa is her best friend and the only one that really matters. She felt her time was well spent. I think she is wise. She is loyal. She had a wonderful week and wouldn't have changed a thing! I called home a couple of days before we were coming back to tell Erik how excited I was. Brielle told me she was excited to go home...to Calgary!! We both had concerns that going back would be difficult for her, which ultimately means difficult for us. I had envisioned a flight home where all I heard about was how she didn't want to come back, is making plans to ultimately live with Nana...but NO, she missed home, missed daddy, missed her friends here and that made us feel so great. We haven't wrecked her life. She is happy.

Taya had a totally different Lynden vacation than all of us and I probably only saw her for a total of 2 hours the entire time we were there. She saw ALL her friends. She had sleepovers with 4 different families. She had multiple playdates with her "besties" Emily Gish and Abby Miller and Mara Gimse. Christine (Emily's mom) was, as always, "supermom". She held a party for 7 girls, they iced cupcakes and made crafts, and basically made Taya feel like royalty! On the plane ride home she informed me that Demi has grown since we went there and she is so happy she has 27 close friends. Half in Lynden and half in Calgary. God knew she would be the middle child. She is "go with the flow". She is easy going. She has 27 "best" friends across North America. I love that girl!

Demi, had playdates with Kestin and Ethan. Kestin is her best girlfriend and she really wants to hold her by herself and smother her with kisses. She calls her "Kiki" and thinks she is perfect. She loved playing at Aunty Stef's and had her first sleep over away from mama. She loves to do anything that Ethan does, he has fun toys, they played hide and seek and had so much fun and Ethan likes to hug and kiss her as much as she wants to hug and kiss him. She sat like a "little lady" in the shopping carts on multiple shopping trips while mommy bought all the things we can't get in Canada. She missed daddy so very much and has not let anyone else help her or hold her since we have been home.

The highlights of my trip were being with Kim and Kestin. I always cry when I arrive and see them and I cry again when I leave. Kestin is beautiful. She is growing and smiling and cooing. I can't even imagine our "girl group" without her. I wish it wouldn't have been so busy. I could've spent the whole eight days just holding her and being with Kim. I loved all the girl time Stef and Kim and I had at night once the kids were off to bed. We had a fun afternoon with Tiff and kids, sharing chicken strips and Naniamo bars from Dutch Mothers and watching the children play. Olivia "wowed" us with 12 different outfits and then settled in on a tinkerbell tutu she continued to wear for days after our visit. That kid is such a hoot! Stef and I had a blast on more than one shopping trip and Thai food. One of my best moments was finally connecting with Traci Likkel for a quick lunch. She is one of those people I haven't gotten nearly as much time with over the years as I would have liked to and yet we are an easy fit. Kindred spirits, people who could at any moment evolve into bestest friends if given any amount of time. Conversation flows easy and lots of laughs...thanks Trac! As always, I love to see the Dutch Mothers crew...they are like family. Some of them have been in our lives for 15 plus years. I had a wonderful time subbing for my mom's bunko group. It was so much fun catching up with all of them. AHHHH...such a good trip!

When it was time to leave I was so ready. Our hearts were full and we all agreed that it had been a wonderful visit. I have heard that is the sign of a great vacation...when you are ready to go home...and we were. I missed Erik so much. We could have been heading back to Antarctica and I would have been estactic. Because wherever he is...is where home is.

It's almost Tuesday....

2009-03-16T18:27:00.013-06:00

O.k. so I am NOT a fan of Mondays. I have been known to say that "Monday feels like the middle of the night to me". It's like my subconscious seems to know it's going down like this every week...that I'm basically just gearing myself up for Tuesday. Today should have been an extremely productive day because I should be getting us ready to head to Lynden on Wednesday. I need to pack for 4 girls, that is enough of a job all by itself. I have laundry to do. I have a TON of paperwork that I should be gathering and getting organized...but no. Not this day, cuz this day is Monday. I'm not sure why I am not just puttering away at it...I think I am just waiting until I feel overwhelmed and then I run around like a mad woman. I must thrive under pressure.

It's not that I didn't do anything today. I baked cookies for Erik's lunches for the week we are gone. I played with the baby and gave her a bath. Did 2 loads of laundry. Made dinner (so nummy, my Auntie Pen's recipe...it's Brielle's favorite dinner). I looked at old photos and marveled at how fast time is going, looked through recent pics and pondered where in the city I would like to go exploring the next time Erik and I have a date, I thought about how big the girls are getting, how much they have changed, contemplated an exercise program and did a lot of positive self talk about just how much I am going to use the treadmill once my husband moves it upstairs, since he has been avoiding moving it. Apparently they are REALLY heavy. So, once it's up there it best be used! I decided I'm not asking him to do it this week.

On the other hand, I could made better use of my time. I may need a intervention in regards to the game "Bejeweled". It's only one minute per round...I probably didn't need to play 67 rounds before I got off facebook, and I probably could have done without the following 43. I probably could have looked for the tax information instead of watching Young and the Restless. And, I probably didn't need to blog about what I am trying to avoid doing.

But, the way I figure it is: Everything I am enjoying doing today I won't have time to do tomorrow, because tomorrow is "Time to get it together Tuesday".

Here are some of the pictures I was looking at while I lost half of the day!

"Stef in the City"

2009-03-11T20:18:00.008-06:00

My girlfriend Stefanie was the first of my friends to come from Lynden to the "big city" for a visit. She arrived on Thursday night and we started her vacation off by staying up until 3:30 gabbing like we only had the one day and like one of us didn't have to get up to get kids off to school! Her time here included all our favorites. Eating, chatting, dancing, eating, shopping, eating, getting coffee from second cup, sightseeing, more shopping, a winning trip to the casino, going to the market,(barely...we got there as they were closing in true Cher fashion...yet in true Stef fashion she was still able to make purchases!) more coffee...some with Bailey's, a fabulous dinner prepared by Stef, and more shopping!

We also had a big night out at the Ranchman with Jason and Lanie where we danced our little hearts out. An ok thing to do on a semi-regular basis...something to rethink if the end result is a 33 year old complaining of knees and hips becoming brutally out of line! Stefanie is up for anything and extremely competitive, that combination left us certain that before the night was up she would be "wowing" us on the mechanical bull, which she did! She went all 3 rounds and was so impressive! Erik, awed with her skills decided to take the ride too...I'm not that stupid! I know full well I will ride it at some point...probably my 40th birthday or some other significant milestone that encourages people to make show-offy decisions they will regret the next day/week. They both proudly wore their battle scars of bruises down their inner thighs and continued to puff each other up about how awesome they had both been! ROCKSTARS!!

We had so much fun that the next day we even tried on cowgirl gear at the mall...just so we can really fit in the next time!

As always all good times must come to and end. Tuesday night we took a very excited mommy to her flight (she was itching for her babies) and I loved that I didn't have to cry, because she had already booked her trip out for next month. It was a truly wonderful time...we just didn't get to the pedicures we had planned!

Thanks so much for such a great time Stef...you are an awesome house guest, so much fun and a really wonderful friend. We love you!!

Burnt Muffin

2009-03-07T14:36:00.013-07:00

I know they say they will only do it once, in fact that's what I told Erik when she did it. There is just nothing quite as sad as when our children are hurt. As a mom there is this part of me that feels a physical ache for them. I would take their pain if I could.

Demi aka. "muffin baby" touched the fireplace and burnt her little hands. It happened so quickly and for the first few minutes I wasn't even positive that she had actually touched it. They didn't blister right away. We weren't sure if it was one hand or both. She cried for a very long time. Kept trying to hug mommy to make the pain go away but it didn't seem to soothe it. It was awful! I wouldn't say I am the best in high stress situations anyway, especially when my babies are hurt.

The next morning, the blisters appeared, on both hands. But she was back to her delightful self. The only difference was she was picking up her toys with her wrists...so sad!

I will say this, the quickest way to have 5 Kingsboroughs crying is 1 hurt baby. I didn't know who to comfort. Thank goodness we knew we were picking up Auntie Stef in less than an hour. The person you want with you in crisis situations and just so happens to be a nurse!

My day had been good up until the evening. I was preparing for Stef's arrival and was cleaning up a storm, baking, and counting down the minutes until my "mommy time" began and it just felt like everything unraveled. We were trying to deal with some "teenage attitude adjustments, taya's undone school projects which weren't really bothering her nearly as much as it was bothering us, and it seemed like I was watching my great day go up in smoke (no pun intended, lol). On the way to the airport I said to Erik, "this is when I wish my mom was here...she would say the right thing...calm everyone down. When you're the mom you have to, and that's what I have to do but now I'm stressed to the max. I can feel a physical reaction, this tightness in my back like I am just going to lose it. I just want my mom! She would make me feel better." He took my hand, looked at me and said, "What would she say?" I just looked at him and and realized I was fine, he had just made it all better.

We walked into the airport tears in my eyes still, and I said quietly, "it's days like today when I'm glad we are doing it together."

Nana...

2009-03-05T00:39:00.008-07:00

Once again, our visit with my mom was wonderful and went way too fast! The girls got to watch movies, get Tim Horton's donuts, went on a walk to Walmart, Nan bought new clothes for them, prepared yummy food, gave a ton of snuggles. They were overjoyed! Demi was thrilled to add another to her audience and performed all her tricks and gave Nana many kisses and big hugs. Erik loves having her here because he always has a full belly and basically has another person to take care of him!

It's so awesome that it's such a quick flight, less than an hour. So sweet of dad to facilitate visits so often (we are currently running an every 4 week routine). It may seem obnoxious to some, but my mom is one of my closest friends and I have always lived by her...talk to her every day. So, the distance from her has been a bit of an adjustment.

She arrived and emptied her suitcase that was full of gifts and left with our "love banks" filled to the brim as only she can do. Thanks for another really special time, mom. We love you!

PS. I'll add more pics once I get a copy of hers!

Sweet Things

2009-03-04T23:43:00.011-07:00

I really have to say, I don't enjoy cooking. I don't really care for heavy foods. To my hubby's dismay I don't love "meat and potatoes". I would be thrilled if we could all come into agreement that cereal is sufficient 3 nights a week, cold sandwiches as a close second, and that tomato soup and grilled cheese make you feel like you just had the best meal ever! In fact, I really have to keep my attitude in line about making dinner. BUT...I love to bake! I love the way it makes my house smell...especially when it's all clean. I love the way it makes my family feel. I love to give it away. I love to have it in my house for if I get visitors. I laugh when my family walk in the door and say, "Mom did you bake us something or is that just a candle?" to which I reply, "nope, I baked for you sugar!"

I have really tried to be supportive of Erik and our budget by always having baking done for lunches. Currently, I have been baking every Sunday evening and then at least once more during the week. Besides being cost effective, and much better for my family, I find it very relaxing and I love the "warmth" it brings to our home. It's one of those things that seems to go by the wayside when our lives get so busy or when I have worked. So for me, in a way it's just another perk of being a stay at home mom.

One of my favorite things to bake is loaves, lovingly referred to as "candy bread" since Brielle was about 3 years old. We love to share "candy bread" with our friends and subsequently get asked for it by that endearing term by all the kids she grew up with. I don't have a clue now what I will be giving Matthew Vrieling for his birthday this year!

Besides recipes that have been passed along to me, my all time favorite recipe book for the last 5 years has been the "Ebenezer Family Favorites". So worth searching Lynden garage sales, or "Second Chance" or your mom's kitchen for. I would even call the school and pay full price for it...it's that good! Everything I have made from there has been fantastic. There are some really great dishes from Lynden moms. I often make the pumpkin loaf recipe. I like this particular one, because although it doesn't call for a lot of pumpkin it's a really moist loaf. And, I often have oil in my cupboard but have run out of butter. A few of you asked for me to pass it along so here it is.

3 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 cup pumpkin
1 cup nuts
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 cup oil
1 cup water
1 tsp. vanilla
3 1/2 cups flour
2 tsp. baking soda

Cream sugar, eggs and pumpkin. Add rest of the ingredients and mix until smooth. Pour into greased loaf pans and bake at 350 for 1 hour.

Makes 2 loaves or 8 mini loaves...which are so super cute. They freeze awesome!

It was some time in the last year that my dear friend Tiffiny blogged about being faithful about making dinner. The importance of honoring our husbands by doing that. It definitely convicted me. I have a nice life staying at home. He freezes his but off all day. I am doing better. I still hate it a lot of the time. But, I see the importance so I do it...I'd still rather bake.

Bridge over Troubled Waters

2009-02-25T00:30:00.009-07:00

Did I say thank you? Really say it? Express it so clearly that you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what you have been to me?

To my mom and dad~
There were times over the last year when you were the only thing that kept me going. You carried me through...possibly even dragged me. You helped me parent and provided for me. You held me as I cried more tears than I think is even fair for a parent to have to catch. Together, got me through nights that felt like a new day would never come. I'm not sure how you kept lifting me up when your own hearts were so heavy.

Much of the last year feels like a blur, much of it you laid yourselves down for me, shielded and protected me. And there were moments when it felt like "friends could not be found" but you were still there.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the love that only parents can give. The kind that is so sacrificial, selfless, and as much as one's whole heart can give. Over and over you have done that for me. How blessed I am...more than I deserve...so much more.

Thank you with all my screw ups and bad choices you always made me feel like you were so proud of me.
Thank you for teaching me how to love so big, modeling such grace and forgiveness.
It's hard to write "thank you", it almost sounds trivial. Gratitude seems like a far more appropriate expression. Somehow seems closer to the emotion I feel. I am so grateful. It's so far beyond anything financial. I felt like you kept me alive. Kept the "real Cher" from ruin. I feel like you saved me. Saved my family. Saved my heart. So...so...so grateful.

Thank you for being my bridge over very troubled waters. I love you so very much. I am so thankful, grateful, proud and honored to be your daughter.

All that Hair!!!

2009-02-20T14:30:00.005-07:00

Demi girl, she makes us smile...beam in fact! We never know from day to day what kind of "do" she will be sporting. Her hair is like a conversation piece...an ice breaker if you will. We have talked to a lot of strangers all because of the baby's look for the day! It's gotten to be quite the joke in our family...what will Demi look like when she wakes up? All of our girls were blessed with natural curls, but something happens to Demi's hair over the course of a day that sets her apart. I style it the same way daily...but it always ends up looking "uniquely different". This baby has brought more joy to our family than what we could have ever imagined. We have managed to capture just a few of the styles that have brought us smiles. Enjoy!

A Day of LOVE.

2009-02-17T00:56:00.006-07:00

I hope Valentine's Day found you all feeling so very loved. We felt so blessed to share it together. My day started with a coffee from my favorite place "A Second Cup". We shared lots of loves and snuggles with our girls. Erik bought all of his sweethearts chocolate roses (huge hit with Taya!) We took at drive downtown Calgary. In the evening we met up with Lanie and Jason and enjoyed a fabulous, lingering dinner at Chili's. One of those great meals where you start with fun drinks and appy's and share a meal because everyone is also planning to share dessert. We carried on for some gaming at the casino and all agreed we came home winners in love even though we didn't win our fortunes! A childless evening, great conversation, awesome food, lots of laughs, romantic gestures and a whole night of little flirtations...just left us with a feeling of AAAAAAHHHHHHH! It was wonderful.

Even better than that was waking up February 15th and having my first thought be...
I love you more today!

This is what True Love looks like...

2009-02-12T11:25:00.010-07:00

Aren't they beautiful to look at? My Grandparents. The best example of true, committed, keep moving forward, stick together, still make my stomach have butterflies, take care of you, finish what we started, forgiving, long suffering, best friend, FOR ALL OF OUR DAYS kind of love!! Can you imagine having the same Valentine for 60 years?? Can you imagine loving someone the way you said you would when you took your vows? In all the good times and all the bad. In sickness or in health...even when you don't know how many years you will get of each. I hope that is what we look like to our children and grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Idea #10
Find someone who you can model your marriage after. A couple who has loved through many years...a lot happens in a lifetime. People who went the distance...just held each other's hand as they went. People who protected their love.

"People who don't ever quit each other"
(Brandon Gimse, 6 years old when asked what he thinks being married is.)

To my grandparents...thanks for "not quitting each other", for loving each other well, for letting no one else put assunder, for showing me what true love really looks like!

I love how beautifully the "Love Chapter" reads from the Message Bible:
1 Corinthians 13 (The Message)
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies

Behind closed Doors...

2009-02-03T15:23:00.005-07:00

I was looking around our room today and observing that we have a such a beautiful space to call our own. This is the first time in years we haven't had a tv in our room...experts will say that is a sure fire way to keep the romance fires burning! In our en suite we have a lovely soaker tub with candles all around it. The tub meets up with a huge shower complete with clear glass doors and a rain forest shower head, it's beautifully tiled and could comfortably accommodate 6 people at once! Just gorgeous! It is the first brand new home we have ever lived in and I feel so spoiled.

Then I glance over and my eyes meet "romance killer"....good morning Demi girl!! Yes, the crib is in our room. It started as something so sweet and endearing. Erik wanted to be able to wake up with her in the mornings and stare at her as she slept at night and so I was fine with it. I knew how much he had missed her. Three months later I'm so over it. I tell him weekly..."It is time to lose the roommate!"

A couple of weeks ago I took the situation into my own hands while everyone was busy doing something else. I waded through the pit Taya refers to as her room (she is a total packrat like her daddy). Two hours later, the floors were vacuumed, garbage bags sat outside the door, clothes were all put away, pictures were hung and I was ready to disassemble the crib and plan the wild "party for two" in our room! It was all I had in me to not be wearing lingerie while I took this project on. I was sooooo excited to have the kids all out of our space. I pushed Taya's bed right against the wall...hmmm. I moved it to the other wall...ok. I call for Erik, "Babe, how many square feet is Taya's room? Do you think she really needs a dresser?"

The new plan. Erik is going to be developing the basement when we have the money and building 2 more bedrooms. So, I will wait and be patient and enjoy waking up to our sweet girl say "hi" for a few more months. But, it did get me thinking. A lot of times the one room of the house that is not pulled together is the parent's bedroom. I have seen one of my girl friends declare it the "laundry room" folding station and how could you not with 7 unfolded loads sitting like a mountain on the bed? Often, it's the last room I get to on a cleaning day. Why make the bed...we are going to get back in it? At another friends house I have seen it be a dumping ground for things that should technically go in the garage. Unless you really are having a romantic rendezvous once a week in the pup tent that's set up in the corner of the room it probably doesn't belong there. This post is not to be judgemental of other's standards of housekeeping. I just think it is the one place in the house you can stake a claim. I look forward to doing just that. Making a room that is a place we like to relax in. A place that it calming and relaxing. A room for a lot of lovin!

Once I have achieved that I will post pictures. Right now, the soaker tub has 5 barbies waiting for the next tub time. There is a basket of laundry by the door, dolls on the floor and the bed is not made...thank goodness there is a fireplace in the living room!

Idea #9
If it is available to you. Make your room "your space", a place that can be a romantic getaway. A few candles, chocolate, massage oil, music. Sounds like a whole lot of fun to me!

Everything I own??

2009-02-02T08:20:00.004-07:00

I wish profound thoughts came to me at 10:00 am. It seems I can stay up until all hours listening to music! I love almost every style and era of music...I am realizing I like a lot more from the 70's than I thought. It was at 1:50 am when I finally remembered this diddy by "bread". At that point, I had to listen to it a couple times and then I pondered the words until about 3 am.

This week I go back to Lynden for a visit. I still often refer to it as "home". It has only been 3 months since we moved. I am so excited! I get to see my Kim, hold and love on Kestin...finally I get to kiss and snuggle that baby! I get to be in the company of my wonderful girlfriends who bring me so much joy. I get to be with my mom and dad, who I miss everyday. I can't wait to see the staff at Dutch Mother's they are like a family to me. It feels like there aren't enough hours in my little weekend jaunt to fit in all the people I would like to. I just hope I get to share a little moment with everyone I have missed so much.

Right before Erik and I "officially" got back together, we were talking with Linda about not being able to let it go of each other and the relationship. And she said, "You were left with everything but him and it was not enough. What would happen if you let go of it all and clung to him? Because I have a feeling none if matters if it's not with him."

Wow...I hadn't thought of it like that. I had a beautiful home, my kids, my same wonderful best friends, my family, my job. But...I didn't have him (and he didn't have me).

So, last night I was scouring for this song because although I couldn't remember the words at the moment, I just knew they said what I had felt when I left Lynden to be with Erik.

When I left, it was with open hands. Seriously, letting go and letting God. I felt like I released all the relationships that mattered so much to me, that I had clung so tightly to for so long, and let go praying that Erik would meet those needs in me... and if he couldn't that God would.

I love this song..."nobody else could ever know the part of me that can let go...and I would give up everything I own give up my life, my heart, my home.

I felt like I did just that...I ended up with all of those same things...I just got to do it with him.

Idea #8
You get to come up with this one on your own!
What could you give up to make your relationship work? It is a hard one to confront. For me it was all the other relationships I put in front of ours. It might be time, work, other people, substances, the gym, shopping. What would happen if one time this week we put our spouse where we would usually put that thing that comes easier to choose?

Comments

2009-01-30T13:45:00.002-07:00

I keep getting emails on how to leave comments on the blog. I so want to have the feedback and let's me know I am not just writing to an audience of 4 people. You start by clicking on the word comment at the end of the post. It will say how many comments there already are. For those of you who don't want to open a google account you can leave your comment and sign your name so I know who wrote it and then click on the anonymous button before clicking on submit. It's really easy...and I can't wait to have you write back! Hope that helps.

Kiss, Kiss...

2009-01-29T22:44:00.005-07:00

Have you ever noticed that a lot of people stop kissing? You don't realize this occurs as often as it does until you are at a 25th anniversary or a wedding. People start tinkling the glasses and calling people out to kiss each other in front of 175 people. The couple (victims) look nervously at each other and at that point everyone should get a clue that they are thinking oh man...haven't done this in nine years and now we get to in front of all these friends and family, lucky us! And as soon as they do, everyone claps politely, giggles nervously and thinks to themselves "note to self...go home and kiss husband repeatedly so that is never us". Because that just looked as natural/comfortable as arriving to this event, being handed a leotard and asked to do the gymnastics routine that I haven't performed since I was eight years old!
Kissing keeps us young. Keeps our relationships young. I love that my whole family is "huggy and kissy". I'm not suggesting this has to be done in a public forum. I just think that it's one of those things that couples can do to keep love alive and intimacy in the relationship. So don't become a casualty of K.K.S (kept kisses syndrome...so cheesy I know) lay one on your sweety tonight!

Idea #7
I so wish I had my computer. Soon I will, and then I will post some pics. Complete with kissy shots (from my birthday). I think a romantic idea would be to take kissing pics whenever you travel new places, or have date nights or even just one on each anniversary (even that will help you not become that couple). If you think people don't do this...post on Ross and Taya's facebook page asking for pictures to be posted and I'm sure they will oblige since they have 10 years of kissy face pics to prove they do!! Mom reminded me the other night of a good idea. Put on some lipstick and kiss the bathroom mirror and write a "good morning message" in lipstick. So cute mom!

I

Little Things...

2009-01-28T21:33:00.007-07:00

All day I was thinking...I sure hope that just because I am currently blogging on love and romance that I haven't given people the impression I feel I am the authority on either. I don't feel like that at all. Our marriage has been the farthest thing from perfect or easy on any scale. While we are doing very good, in my opinion the best we ever have...we are not a "poster couple" for a job well done. We have failed each other in huge ways, broken vows, filed divorce papers, hurt our children deeply and broke each others hearts. I think when I write on these topics it's more like thinking out loud. These are just my thoughts, my hopes, my vision for what I want our marriage to be. One thing I am realizing is that marriage needs attention. Our marriage desparately needed attention. The thing that saved us was love...we never stopped loving each other. We have always had a very passionate relationship. We rarely had a friendship. The breakdown of "us" started by not doing the little things, and led to much bigger things. If I was to offer anything of what I have learned it would be that it is never to late. You can start today. You can pull it out of the gutter. You can find your way back. You can forgive one more time. You can be the one to be selfless. You can be the one to say I am sorry. You can rip up divorce papers together...we did. Besides the love that remained, and the grace of God, we also had an amazing counselor. Linda loved us, supported us, gave us truth, got in our faces, walked us through, let us go our own way, always took us back and met us in our darkest hour. She once said to me, "If you went through all of this and would have just divorced than all this was just a bunch of garbage, but if you went through all of this and there was a purpose then God can use it all". I did not go through all that to not have learned what I needed to learn. I learned that I needed to be as good of a friend to Erik that I was to my girlfriends. I learned that I don't always have to be right. I learned that there were so many little things I could have been doing. I learned that being a good person doesn't equal being a good wife. So, on that note I offer this...

Idea #6
Do the little things. If it's taking up something he enjoys, making an effort to make dinner (this was something I had definitely had to work on), giving a back massage, getting dressed up for him, finding something you both like to watch on tv together. Then do those things. It's a place to start if things are strained in the relationship. If things are good it will just make it better. I promise you this...it's a long road back to heal from the big things when we could've just paid attention to the little things. Since I was a little girl I have always loved this song (is your volume turned up?). I think it is by far one of the most romantic songs of all time. It reminds me of us.

25 things...

2009-01-27T12:06:00.006-07:00

All this past week, facebook has been going strong with the "25 things" note. At first, I honestly thought I probably couldn't think of that many little things. But, last night at 3:00 am I was still thinking of quirky little things. And, since I sat up half the night (on a school night!) I thought I would post mine on here.

1. My feet are cold 95% of the time...like ice cubes!
2. I know I have the best parents in the world.
3. I love...love...love music!! I tell Erik I know every song.
4. With each of my pregnancies I developed a liking for a food I hated previously.
5. I had a cleaning OCD for 2 years.
6. I miss Kim...every day.
7. I am an amazing mom to Demi. I have not had one moment of frustration ever with her...probably should've waited until I was 30 to have all of them!
8. I think my grandparents are the most incredible people in the world...it's more than just loving them...they really are the two most amazing people.
9. Erik is the only person in the world that knows my deepest hurt...yes people I have one thing I haven't told anyone else but him!!
10. I didn't start trying new foods until I was 30.
11. I have a wild side that I keep very stifled!
12. The first thing I notice on a person is their nose.
13. My brother Ross has the most goodness out of anyone I know.
14. I eat chocolate 363 days a year. If it were not for that I would be so thin!
15. My ring finger is a size 4. I so wish that were my jean size.
16. I have always wanted to be a hair stylist.
17. I love lemon bars and insist they be served at my funeral, but I never make them at home.
18. I don't know how to sew...Lanie and Kim are dying laughing at this one!!
19. I hope to go to Australia at least one more time.
20. I think Brielle will do something big with her life...I am very proud to be her mom.
21. I need a lot of verbal affirmation. I have spent the bulk of my life feeling like I was disappointing someone.
22. I think I am witty and funny.
23. I hate seeing someone uncomfortable in group settings. That is the person I usually hone in on.
24. I always have polish on my toes but haven't on my fingernail for at least 2 years.
25. I fold laundry more beautifully than anyone I know.

Ok...I have a few more!

26. I feel like I am going to have a heart attack when I get mad...so I rarely do.
27. Taya is the most loving and touchy of my kids.
28. I am an extremely fast reader.
29. I love my eyes. I love that my girls all have different eye color. Brielle has dark brown, Taya has green, Demi has blue.
30. My kitchen sink always has soapy water in it.
31. I miss our church.
32. I love people...I love being with people.
33. When I was 22 I had a dream about heaven and coming face to face with God that changed my life.
34. I am blessed to have children and was told I may not ever have them.
35. I couldn't imagine my life without Lanie she is the most loving, generous and funny person...this is how I know God loves me...he gave me her for a best friend.
36. I am the last person on a dance floor and if I had enough confidence I would dance when no one else was!
37. My first massage by a professional was when I was 30...silly, silly girl!
38. A person can never have too many candles.
39. I have watched Young and the Restless for 20 years.
40. I love living in a big city.
41. I wish I had enough money to give some away everyday.
42. There has not been one day I have not thought of Robyn since she went to heaven.
43. I love both of my sister-in-laws!
44. If I am quiet...something is wrong.
45. I love household cleaners, bleach, and stain removal.
46. I have used the polestar daytimer for 9 years and make endless lists.
47. When I have too much on my mind I stop talking mid sentence and Erik finishes what I was saying.
48. I buy cereal like there will never be another box sold.
49. I don't like cats.
50. I eat icecream with a fork.

Ok, I went over by double and probably could have kept going but that might have seemed a little self absorbed. This made me think though...I love that Erik knows all of these little things about me. Which leads me to...

Idea #5
Make a list of 25 or more things that are unique about the one you love maybe write it in their Valentine's card. It's good to know what makes each other tick. It's good to be reminded of the little things that made us fall in love with each other. And good to know that we're loved even if we can make a list of 25 things about us that could potentially make us look like a fruitcake to someone else. LOL! Happy Loving!!

Livin' on a Prayer...

2009-01-26T09:33:00.006-07:00

Let me hear a big shout out from all the kids of the 80's!! This was THE era of the "mix tape". If you are a child of the 80's you know that those homemade, heartfelt, had to wait for the top ten at ten on the radio to catch that song, expression of love was the rage! Even as an adult thoughts of the infamous mix tapes created by my own hands stirs as much emotion as looking at pictures of the babies I have personally brought into the world!! Oh you laugh...but one of my best friends (who shall remain nameless to protect her from public mockery) can still be moved to tears during girl pow-wow's when thoughts of recording the same song 17 times front and back (both sides of the tape...duh!) held the same song. Sent out to the one she loved on the eve of their breakup! Basically that equates to 437 hours of solid crying time. This was a cheap yet meaningful way to scream "I love you". I gave Erik the first of only a few (cuz cd's came out and wrecked the whole thing) mix tapes on our 2 month anniversary. I am almost positive it was on that night the first I love you's were exchanged! If you weren't a teen at that time you probably don't know the thought and skill that would go into making the perfect mix. First, you had to be almost psychic to press record and play at the exact moment the radio was possibly going to play the song you were waiting for. One could wait in anticipation for up to 3 hours with fingers on high alert just to capture the song. In addition, at that same moment be able to coordinate no one in the whole house moving, breathing, opening doors, answering phones, etc. because that would wreck the whole thing and you would have to start a six hour process all over again. The same amount of intuition was crucial for the ending of the song. The whole thing was a wash if the radio personality would start talking before the song completely ended! All that drama could only be avoided if you had were fortunate enough to have so much babysitting money you could afford to buy every single tape you wanted and have a dual tape deck to perform tape to tape recording. So, for every girl who ever ever shed a tear to Richard Marx, "Right here waiting for you" or really believed you were going to marry that guy because you were 15 years old, knew it all, and Bon Jovi had you convinced you were "half way there and livin on a prayer"...this one's for you!!!

Idea #4
Make a compilation of love songs and upload it...download it...or just sing it at the top of your lungs to your sweety. Or better yet...make a mix tape!! Happy Loving!!

PS. The first 5 songs on my playlist are dedicated to those memories...and to Erik!!

McDonalds and rose petals....remember when...

2009-01-23T13:04:00.005-07:00

This morning I laid in my bed, tears slipped down my cheeks as my mind flooded with old memories...sweet memories. It's funny how this little "love project" I have taken on has reminded me of so many moments in time between Erik and I.
It was Valentine's Day eight years ago...I worked an evening shift at Dutch Mother's. Erik stopped by to say he was taking the girls to McDonald's for dinner and would have them tucked in bed when I got home. I remember feeling exhausted and hoping not a lot would be "expected" of me when I got home. I opened the door and smiled...rose petals sprinkled all down the hallway, all over the bed, a hundred floated in the bubble bath that awaited me. Music was playing softly, there was a pretty "something" hanging on the towel rack for me to slip into after my bath. A glass of wine sat by the tub and every candle in my house was lit and leading the path to each of those romantic destinations. Anyone who knows me well, knows that's a lot of candles! It was such a sweet night. All the ladies reading this go, AAAWWWWWWW...so sweet. But, my favorite part of the story is when one of the "sleeping" children (Taya, who was just about 3 at the time) snuck into the bathroom while I trying to savour every second of peace and quiet. She said, "Daddy took us to Donalds for Balentine's dinner". I said, "I know he is such a sweet daddy". She told me that first they had to stop and buy flowers so they could help daddy break them all. Break them all? I suddenly realized the moment I was enjoying had just become one I would always cherish. Erik had spent 3 hours in the McDonald's playland plucking rose petals with our girls. I didn't have the heart to tell him that the florist will do that for you for half the price of buying 2 dozen roses and "doing it yourself" or that you could buy a package of 200 faux petals at Michaels for $3.99. I just sat in that tub with all those bubbles and petals and felt so very loved. Taya sat by the tub, swishing her little fingers back and forth in the water whispering (so she didn't get caught by dad and sent back to bed), "do you just love these broken flowers mama?" I did. I loved every one of them. The story got cuter when she told me that all the mommys in the play area started to help her daddy for the big surprise and they think that I got to marry the "Bery Best Balentine!" Even now, there are so many parts of that Valentine's day that I loved. I loved that he shared that moment with our kids and they were so excited helping with the big surprise. I loved that he personally "broke" each one of those flowers for me. I loved that it mattered so much that I remembered it again this morning!

Idea #3
I think I am going to write a "remember when" journal. We have exchanged morning notes back and forth almost every day since we were first married so I can probably convince him to participate. I think it would be so much fun to look back and be reminded of precious moments we gave each other. I doubt he knows how much that day really meant to me. I'm sure there are things I could be reminded of that made him feel really loved as well. I think I will drag out some dating photos and tuck them in there too. Just a book that can go back and forth between him and me. I think I will love "remembering when"...Happy Loving!

Where you've never gone before...

2009-01-22T12:02:00.004-07:00

Idea #2
It's time to get out of the rut of going the same places and eating the same things! This might be easier for me to accomplish because I'm in a new city with many choices. But, I could have taken the time when I was in Lynden. With a little time and research given to date planning I am sure I could have dug up some little gem of a place in Whatcom county. I remember about 10 years ago, our friends (Rick and Michelle) got on a "hot wing kick" which we quickly embraced because we loved them too. What began was a year long marathon between the two couples to find places that had the best wings. Those were some of our best dates!! Sometimes alone and sometimes with them. Everytime we went out that's what we ordered...sometimes as an appetizer and sometimes we ordered just the wings and water (probably depended on how much money we had). It was something silly that didn't matter at all at the time, but looking back I realize those were some of our "hottest" dates. It took us to new places...and it was something we didn't do or share with the kids! I think the easiest way to start this date idea is to identify what you are going out for. It might be peach cobbler found somewhere between here and Seattle, it might be a great coffee place downtown Bellingham where you most certainly won't run into other people you know, or maybe it's finding the best Italian in all of Canada, for other's it could be a night of dancing at Big Lake Bar and Grill that they stumbled upon (you know who you are...and now everyone is looking up where that is on the computer...so plan to see them there...LOL)!! What I love about it is this is a date that can be done on $10 or less. Until we moved, it was always Black Forest or Pad Thai...both my faves...both are awesome. But, I am of the mindset that being adventurous is sexy. Finding someplace new that you love that makes you feel like only the two of you know about it is romantic! Happy loving!!!

Rated "R" for Romance!

2009-01-21T14:53:00.006-07:00

Valentine's Day is not my favorite holiday. I prefer carnations or daffodils on a random Tuesday in October over a dozen roses that cost way to much on Feb. 14th. I prefer days that matter to just us and not the rest of the world...unless they are celebrating with us, like birthdays or our anniversary. The only exception to that rule is Mother's day, that is one holiday that needs to be celebrated and done up right!!! LOL! However, I do love romance. When I was little my mom used to say every bone in my body is romantic! I love crying at super romantic movies. I love giving and receiving thoughtful little gifts and notes. I love romantic exchanges that only Erik and I know about (private nicknames, inside jokes that only we'd laugh at, little moments we will never forget, etc.) and love that other couples share those same little things that make their marriages unique. In that spirit, I thought it would be fun to celebrate love, romance, marriage from now until Valentine's Day. I will try to post (daily) a little idea that I have done or will do between now and then. I would love it if you would do the same (by leaving a comment). Let me know if you have done something romantic worth passing along and letting another gal take the glory for...or you are super shy your post could read something like this, "I have never tried this for my husband...but, a friend of a friend's cousin's co-worker once tried_______....or so I have heard". In which case your idea will be out there and I will totally feel at liberty to claim the idea as my own and get many brownie points from Erik....Happy Loving!!!

Idea #1
This is something that I will do on random days and is a great idea for people who's sweetheart travels for work. Write a little love note and fold it up and then tuck it in his/her favorite jean pocket (in our case work jeans) or coat pocket...something you know they will wear soon. It's easiest to do during laundry or packing and just a sweet little gesture that doesn't cost a dime...and it has a bit more sweetness factor then the traditional note on the counter that reads, "please take out garbage, pick up milk and have so much fun at the job you can't stand going to!"

Letting Go and Hanging On...

2009-01-15T09:27:00.008-07:00

I think I have cried more in the last few days than all the tears combined since we moved. I knew I would cry when my family left...I always do. Last night when I was fb (facebooking) Amber I said it's not missing Lynden... it's missing people. Because I love it here and I love the people I am here with. Having Erik and Lanie in the same place forever...life doesn't get much sweeter than that for me! The day mom and dad left was the day the girls started school. Taya was so excited she could hardly contain herself. Brielle was so anxious and nervous we were having to watch all the exits for fear she would bolt! And I felt like in the matter of 2 hours my emotions were all over the map and back again and I had let everyone go. I was such a wreck that the school secretary was bawling too as she walked Erik and I to the door. She assured me that I had done well for the girls, in that when she moved to Calgary and her children started school she didn't wait to walk away before sobbing! I cried all the way home...had a 2 hour nap...and woke up to cry some more. I called mom and to tell her, "I'm having a huge day of separation". Kim was headed to the hospital to be induced. And where was I...not there...I have always been there. Between Tuesday and today all I seem to think about is how do I let go and hang on at the same time? I don't want to just be a memory or forgotten, I don't want to be selfish or jealous. I want my best friend to have other best friends and to not be lonely. But, I want to be there when she has her baby...because she was there holding my legs up when I had mine. I want to be among the very first to hold that sweet baby girl and know that she will know me and know how much I love her, I want to know she will love coming with Aunty Cher on girl dates, that she and Demi will be best friends. I want Kim to know that this kills me to not be there. I want Erik to know I am so thankful to be here with him...and so thankful that he even offered to put me on a plane because he could see how hard it was to go through that moment. And, I would love any advice on how to let go and how to hang on. I think I do a much better job hanging on....

Thanks for going in my place mom and dad!

Birthdays, Bff's and Baking....

2009-01-13T12:44:00.005-07:00

This week was the best!! Aunty Penny and "Aunty Lorelei" (my cousin) came to Calgary for a girl getaway. I have always loved my time with them...but this time, although short was just so special. We laughed, we cried, we vegged, we baked, we solved the world's problems in our pj's, we shopped, and we stayed up way too late!! We celebrated my birthday...they spoiled me. The thing I love about my Aunty Pen is that she has this knack for making me feel celebrated always...not just on my birthday. I always enjoy Lor. She is easy going, fun, gentle and smothers our girls with attention and affection and they adore her! Our home got busier and bubblier once Nana and Papa arrived with one of Brielle's bff's (best friend forever) Maddy. After a loooooooong drive, (due to the pass being closed) they had arrived and our home felt like Christmas!! We made a bunch of appetizers, special k bars and played vanishing whist. Dad and Erik took the kids sledding and we were able to share the parts of our life that we are so enjoying about living in Calgary with people that mean so much to us. For my birthday, mom and dad took us all out to Chili's...nummy food and lots of laughs. Then, mom and Lan and I chatted into the wee hours. Then came the goodbye, which doesn't ever seem to get easier. I just want to tell our family how grateful we are for their support, for the visit and for being such wonderful friends to us. Thank you for being here to share my birthday. Thank you for making the trip. We are so blessed. We missed you before you left...we can't wait for the next time.
PS. We have great pics that I will add once we get our computer fixed...check back!

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. ~Desmond Tutu

You either love it or hate it....

2009-01-06T15:58:00.002-07:00

Rice pudding...and I absolutely love it! It reminds me of my childhood. It is creamy and comforting and cheap to make. Does anyone have a good recipe?? I would love one that goes in the crockpot, but will take any versions that are your family favorites and are tried and true recipes. Will only write a review if you want to hear about it. Otherwise I will make it and eat quietly on my own (probably while watching the biggest loser...lol!)

A New Year...

2009-01-06T01:54:00.006-07:00

If ever there was a year I was happy to leave behind at first thought it would have been 2008. In many ways, it was by far my hardest so far. And then upon reflection, I think back with my rose colored glasses (I'm known to wear them more often than not) and find much more good than where my first thoughts took me. 2008, was a year that changed me. I was sad, hurting, and broken...but I was also strong, deep and courageous. I traveled, I worked, I mothered, I laughed, I loved and was loved, I cried, I moved, I forgave and was forgiven. There were many days when it felt like "it only hurts when I breath" and other days where something (most often my children) took my breath away. My year started with me leaving Erik and ended with me finding that there isn't anyone else in the world I would ever want to love. If I had to take one thought with me into a New Year (any new year really) it would be to forgive. I have always felt maybe it came eaiser to me than to others...but maybe because I have always felt that when I needed forgiveness how horrible it would be to be denied it. One of my favorite verses from the last year was Lamentations 3:22,23 “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; 23.they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

Some other quotes I thought were good...

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. ~Martin Luther King, Jr

We read that we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read that we ought to forgive our friends. ~Sir. Francis Bacon

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~Mahatma Gandhi

Most of us can forgive and forget; we just don’t want the other person to forget that we forgave. ~Ivern Ball

"If we really want to love we must learn how to forgive"
“People ask me what advice I have for a married couple struggling in their relationship. I always answer: pray and forgive. And to young people from violent homes, I say pray and forgive. And again even to the single mother with no family support: pray and forgive”. ~ Mother Teresa

A thought for the Day...

2008-12-04T17:10:00.001-07:00

Its not what is behind us or before us that matters...it's what's between us.