I haven't blogged in WAY too long. I have a ton of catching up to do, yet haven't had a moment in the busyness of life. Tonight, I couldn't go to sleep without posting this. It's intended for someone I dearly love...I know that they will know this post belongs to them. I stumbled across this poem about six months ago and knew I kept it for a reason.
Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It's then I have to remember
That it's in the valleys I grow.
If I always stayed on the mountain top
And never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God's love
And would be living in vain.
I have so much to learn
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valleys I grow.
I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.
My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.
Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow.
Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.
Thank you for valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
On my birthday...
I’ve Learned…
That simple walks with my dad around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I’ve Learned…
That there’s nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.
I’ve Learned…
That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned...
that my grandpa makes the best pastry!
I’ve Learned…
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I’ve Learned…
That being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned...
that you should always leave loved
ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
I've Learned...
that it's a rare and special thing to have a brother like mine.
I’ve Learned...
That when you’re in love, it shows.
I've Learned...
that my grandma really does have the softest hands.
I've Learned...
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.
I've Learned...
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I've Learned...
that God has overwhelmed me with mercy and has given me
more "do-overs" than I can count, and by far, more than I deserve.
I've Learned...
that it's those small daily happenings
that make life so spectacular.
I have Learned...
no one's love compares to a mom's love...it is endless.
I've Learned...
that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I've Learned...
that either you control your
attitude or it controls you.
I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind.
I've Learned...
that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.
I've Learned...
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
I've Learned...
that its good to have a big love for many kinds of music, it enhances one's life.
I've Learned...
that maturity has more to do with what types
of experiences you've had and what you've
learned from them and less to do with how
many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've Learned...
that no matter how good a friend is, they're
going to hurt you every once in a while and
you must forgive them for that.
I've Learned...
that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by
others, Sometimes you have to learn to forgive
yourself.
I've Learned...
that our background and circumstances may
have influenced who we are, but we are
responsible for who we become.
I've Learned...
that just because two people argue, it doesn't
mean they don't love each other. And just
because they don't argue, it doesn't mean
they do.
I've Learned...
that two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.
I've Learned...
that marriage counseling shouldn't be a last resort,
but rather a first option.
I've Learned...
that family and friends are what make
us who we are today, and without them
we would never be complete.
I've Learned...
good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble
I've Learned...
if home is where your heart is then, I am living exactly where I should be.
How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these. ~George Washington Carver
That simple walks with my dad around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I’ve Learned…
That there’s nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.
I’ve Learned…
That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned...
that my grandpa makes the best pastry!
I’ve Learned…
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I’ve Learned…
That being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned...
that you should always leave loved
ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
I've Learned...
that it's a rare and special thing to have a brother like mine.
I’ve Learned...
That when you’re in love, it shows.
I've Learned...
that my grandma really does have the softest hands.
I've Learned...
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.
I've Learned...
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I've Learned...
that God has overwhelmed me with mercy and has given me
more "do-overs" than I can count, and by far, more than I deserve.
I've Learned...
that it's those small daily happenings
that make life so spectacular.
I have Learned...
no one's love compares to a mom's love...it is endless.
I've Learned...
that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I've Learned...
that either you control your
attitude or it controls you.
I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind.
I've Learned...
that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.
I've Learned...
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
I've Learned...
that its good to have a big love for many kinds of music, it enhances one's life.
I've Learned...
that maturity has more to do with what types
of experiences you've had and what you've
learned from them and less to do with how
many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've Learned...
that no matter how good a friend is, they're
going to hurt you every once in a while and
you must forgive them for that.
I've Learned...
that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by
others, Sometimes you have to learn to forgive
yourself.
I've Learned...
that our background and circumstances may
have influenced who we are, but we are
responsible for who we become.
I've Learned...
that just because two people argue, it doesn't
mean they don't love each other. And just
because they don't argue, it doesn't mean
they do.
I've Learned...
that two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.
I've Learned...
that marriage counseling shouldn't be a last resort,
but rather a first option.
I've Learned...
that family and friends are what make
us who we are today, and without them
we would never be complete.
I've Learned...
good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble
I've Learned...
if home is where your heart is then, I am living exactly where I should be.
How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these. ~George Washington Carver
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Babble...
I'm emotional today. Not depressed. Emotional. Maybe it's that I read a friend's blog and absolutely marveled at her honesty throughout each post. Every time I had a spare five minutes today I would go back and read another entry. I was in awe of how open she was. It wasn't at all trivial or minor. It was all her stuff. The kind of stuff a person likes to keep close or hidden. As I'm reading I keep thinking to myself, "I used to babysit this girl and now I feel like she is more grown up and mature than me...she is so self aware, it's lovely". I have gone around and around the topic of transparency in my mind. Sometimes it seems like I only write when I'm emotional, but then I only write when it's a positive emotion. Sometimes I feel like I have the "Pollyanna Blog". That frustrates me. Life is not perfect, I know I'm the farthest thing from perfect. Sometimes I feel like I use the backspace more than I type and post. Often I sensor, consider who might be reading it, who could possibly take offense, who might judge, or somehow think less of me. Why is it that I am so touched and impressed by her, but don't think it's ok for me to do the same. Maybe I'm not confident it would read at all like hers does to me.
Vulnerable. That's the word I would have thought best described how I feel in most relationships. Then I thought maybe tentative. So then I look them up in the dictionary.
vul·ner·a·ble (vlnr--bl)
adj.
1.
a. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury.
b. Susceptible to attack
c. Open to censure or criticism; assailable.
ten·ta·tive (tnt-tv)
adj.
1. Not fully worked out, concluded, or agreed on.
2. Uncertain; hesitant
Hmmm....maybe...I don't know. Even as I write I am beating myself up. "Who writes when they don't even know their own thoughts and feelings?"
All I know, is that today was a good day. I had a fun play date with friends, had great chats on the phone, missed my kids, had a nice evening with my husband. There was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, nothing to ruffle my feathers, and yet I still feel like a bunch of stuff stirring just under the surface...not to worry folks, in my professional opinion I would guess that's where it will stay (under the surface). I ask myself, "will there ever come a time when you will come to a place of acceptance that it's just feelings and you're allowed to have them". Oh, how I wish I was thick-skinned. I wish I felt comfortable with "anger feelings". Sometimes I feel like I'm not even "allowed" to do sad for too long for fear I will look like I have a bad or negative attitude.
In so many ways, last year was one of the best of my life. But, if I know anything about myself it's that I don't do change very well. Last year everything changed. Some of that has made me very sad. Left me feeling tentative...vulnerable.
Then I stumbled upon this quote and thought it was so incredibly beautiful. It made me cry.
But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859
So, hopefully you didn't stop here tonight for your weekly pick-me-up, or feel good moment. Today it's just babble...at least it was honest. Guess I will just bring it to the One I know can help me with it.
My favorite find of the week...........
Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.
- Jerry Bridges -
Vulnerable. That's the word I would have thought best described how I feel in most relationships. Then I thought maybe tentative. So then I look them up in the dictionary.
vul·ner·a·ble (vlnr--bl)
adj.
1.
a. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury.
b. Susceptible to attack
c. Open to censure or criticism; assailable.
ten·ta·tive (tnt-tv)
adj.
1. Not fully worked out, concluded, or agreed on.
2. Uncertain; hesitant
Hmmm....maybe...I don't know. Even as I write I am beating myself up. "Who writes when they don't even know their own thoughts and feelings?"
All I know, is that today was a good day. I had a fun play date with friends, had great chats on the phone, missed my kids, had a nice evening with my husband. There was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, nothing to ruffle my feathers, and yet I still feel like a bunch of stuff stirring just under the surface...not to worry folks, in my professional opinion I would guess that's where it will stay (under the surface). I ask myself, "will there ever come a time when you will come to a place of acceptance that it's just feelings and you're allowed to have them". Oh, how I wish I was thick-skinned. I wish I felt comfortable with "anger feelings". Sometimes I feel like I'm not even "allowed" to do sad for too long for fear I will look like I have a bad or negative attitude.
In so many ways, last year was one of the best of my life. But, if I know anything about myself it's that I don't do change very well. Last year everything changed. Some of that has made me very sad. Left me feeling tentative...vulnerable.
Then I stumbled upon this quote and thought it was so incredibly beautiful. It made me cry.
But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859
So, hopefully you didn't stop here tonight for your weekly pick-me-up, or feel good moment. Today it's just babble...at least it was honest. Guess I will just bring it to the One I know can help me with it.
My favorite find of the week...........
Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.
- Jerry Bridges -
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
random
i feel like i still have so much to do over the next couple days to wrap up christmas. there are gifts that still need homes, pulling the house back together, getting the kids back to school and insisting that demi doesn't start her day with a breakfast of baked goods.
i have a ton of things to blog about, great pictures, funny stories but just haven't had the time. so, i guess i will just take the "creative memories" approach (a scrapbooking company) start current and work my way back. i'm looking forward to reflecting on 2009 and welcoming the new year.
tonight, i am cooking for dinner pork loin with the most amazing marinade. ross and taya brought it back from arkansas as a stocking stuffer for erik. the last time i had it was when they grilled chicken for us...so yummy! it's going to go perfect with hashbrown potato casserole and salad.
biggest loser starts tonight...awesome. the kids go back to school tomorrow...perfect. and i will settle into january, one of my most favorite months (some really great people were born in january...lol!) i'm excited to start blogging with a little regularity, but even more excited to be able to read my friend's blogs and have a moment to comment. i'm excited to have days that have the time to end up sucked in to a total stranger's blog. random babble, i know...but, hey at least i have one foot back in the blogging world. happy new year, dear friends!
i have a ton of things to blog about, great pictures, funny stories but just haven't had the time. so, i guess i will just take the "creative memories" approach (a scrapbooking company) start current and work my way back. i'm looking forward to reflecting on 2009 and welcoming the new year.
tonight, i am cooking for dinner pork loin with the most amazing marinade. ross and taya brought it back from arkansas as a stocking stuffer for erik. the last time i had it was when they grilled chicken for us...so yummy! it's going to go perfect with hashbrown potato casserole and salad.
biggest loser starts tonight...awesome. the kids go back to school tomorrow...perfect. and i will settle into january, one of my most favorite months (some really great people were born in january...lol!) i'm excited to start blogging with a little regularity, but even more excited to be able to read my friend's blogs and have a moment to comment. i'm excited to have days that have the time to end up sucked in to a total stranger's blog. random babble, i know...but, hey at least i have one foot back in the blogging world. happy new year, dear friends!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
happy birthday mama!
to one who gave us life, loved us in an exclusive way...the way only a mom can. all day i have been observing the celebration of you. the friend, the wife, the sister, the boss, the daughter. all those people conveying you have filled those roles well. but i know for ross and i, there is more. it's something that only the two of us understand, that little extra love and affection that only ever belongs to our mom. happy birthday, mom!!! i love you...you are the very best!
i loved these quotes~
My mother is a poem
I'll never be able to write,
though everything I write
is a poem to my mother.
~Sharon Doubiago
A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. ~Washington Irving
Lyrics A Song For Mama Boyz II Men
You taught me everything
And everything you've given me
I always keep it inside
You're the driving force in my life, yeah
There isn't anything
Or anyone I can be
And it just wouldn't feel right
If I didn't have you by my side
You were there for me to love and care for me
When skies were grey
Whenever I was down
You were always there to comfort me
And no one else can be what you have been to me
You'll always be you always will be the girl
In my life for all times
Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul
You're always down for me
Have always been around for me even when I was bad
You showed me right from my wrong
Yes you did
And you took up for me
When everyone was downin' me
You always did understand
You gave me strength to go on
There was so many times
Looking back when I was so afraid
And then you come to me
And say to me I can face anything
And no one else can do
What you have done for me
You'll always be
You will always be the girl in my life
Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul
i loved these quotes~
My mother is a poem
I'll never be able to write,
though everything I write
is a poem to my mother.
~Sharon Doubiago
A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. ~Washington Irving
Lyrics A Song For Mama Boyz II Men
You taught me everything
And everything you've given me
I always keep it inside
You're the driving force in my life, yeah
There isn't anything
Or anyone I can be
And it just wouldn't feel right
If I didn't have you by my side
You were there for me to love and care for me
When skies were grey
Whenever I was down
You were always there to comfort me
And no one else can be what you have been to me
You'll always be you always will be the girl
In my life for all times
Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul
You're always down for me
Have always been around for me even when I was bad
You showed me right from my wrong
Yes you did
And you took up for me
When everyone was downin' me
You always did understand
You gave me strength to go on
There was so many times
Looking back when I was so afraid
And then you come to me
And say to me I can face anything
And no one else can do
What you have done for me
You'll always be
You will always be the girl in my life
Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
a merry little christmas...
coming off of our wonderful trip to lynden i had to throw myself into the whirlwind of christmas preparations. so in the last 3 days i have unpacked, done laundry, cleaned, gone through bills, and finally removed the fall decor. we landed to calgary looking like a winter wonderland covered in the "white stuff", which did wonders to motivate this tired mama. however, in the last 72 hours i found my mind crowded, i felt restless and overwhelmed, agonizing over christmas photos not taken, things to be done, shopping to finish, baking to be done, and the list goes on and on...UNTIL last night. when i STOPPED, set it all to the side, and soaked in the precious moment of decorating our tree. i looked at our sweet toddler who's eyes were filled with curiosity and delight. i looked at our precious, taya who's eyes reflect a full and happy heart as they always do during family moments. i looked at our teenager as my eyes quickly filled with tears as she hung her "baby's first christmas" ornament, and i looked at my husband's beaming smile, and i said, "thank you God...these are my gifts".
Sunday, November 8, 2009
one year...
a year ago today:
i drove a moving truck with all our worldly possessions across the u.s. border into canada. realizing that i would have walked across the border with our kids to get to him.
i hugged my mom as she sobbed and held on so tight but then...for the first time let me go.
i could see the huge concern in my dad's eyes but i also saw the pride he had for me mixed in with his tears.
my children cried with joy and smothered their dad, something that would continue for 3 months.
all the other things i ached for just didn't compare to the ache i had without him.
we held each other so tight. we cried...and cried...and cried.
we chose each other.
“In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged.” ~Hans Nouwens
1 Corinthians 13 (The Message Bible)
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies.
i drove a moving truck with all our worldly possessions across the u.s. border into canada. realizing that i would have walked across the border with our kids to get to him.
i hugged my mom as she sobbed and held on so tight but then...for the first time let me go.
i could see the huge concern in my dad's eyes but i also saw the pride he had for me mixed in with his tears.
my children cried with joy and smothered their dad, something that would continue for 3 months.
all the other things i ached for just didn't compare to the ache i had without him.
we held each other so tight. we cried...and cried...and cried.
we chose each other.
“In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged.” ~Hans Nouwens
1 Corinthians 13 (The Message Bible)
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies.
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