Letting Go and Hanging On...

I think I have cried more in the last few days than all the tears combined since we moved. I knew I would cry when my family left...I always do. Last night when I was fb (facebooking) Amber I said it's not missing Lynden... it's missing people. Because I love it here and I love the people I am here with. Having Erik and Lanie in the same place forever...life doesn't get much sweeter than that for me! The day mom and dad left was the day the girls started school. Taya was so excited she could hardly contain herself. Brielle was so anxious and nervous we were having to watch all the exits for fear she would bolt! And I felt like in the matter of 2 hours my emotions were all over the map and back again and I had let everyone go. I was such a wreck that the school secretary was bawling too as she walked Erik and I to the door. She assured me that I had done well for the girls, in that when she moved to Calgary and her children started school she didn't wait to walk away before sobbing! I cried all the way home...had a 2 hour nap...and woke up to cry some more. I called mom and to tell her, "I'm having a huge day of separation". Kim was headed to the hospital to be induced. And where was I...not there...I have always been there. Between Tuesday and today all I seem to think about is how do I let go and hang on at the same time? I don't want to just be a memory or forgotten, I don't want to be selfish or jealous. I want my best friend to have other best friends and to not be lonely. But, I want to be there when she has her baby...because she was there holding my legs up when I had mine. I want to be among the very first to hold that sweet baby girl and know that she will know me and know how much I love her, I want to know she will love coming with Aunty Cher on girl dates, that she and Demi will be best friends. I want Kim to know that this kills me to not be there. I want Erik to know I am so thankful to be here with him...and so thankful that he even offered to put me on a plane because he could see how hard it was to go through that moment. And, I would love any advice on how to let go and how to hang on. I think I do a much better job hanging on....



Thanks for going in my place mom and dad!