one year...

a year ago today:

i drove a moving truck with all our worldly possessions across the u.s. border into canada. realizing that i would have walked across the border with our kids to get to him.

i hugged my mom as she sobbed and held on so tight but then...for the first time let me go.

i could see the huge concern in my dad's eyes but i also saw the pride he had for me mixed in with his tears.

my children cried with joy and smothered their dad, something that would continue for 3 months.

all the other things i ached for just didn't compare to the ache i had without him.

we held each other so tight. we cried...and cried...and cried.

we chose each other.



“In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged.” ~Hans Nouwens






1 Corinthians 13 (The Message Bible)

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies.

I don't even know you...

but i am praying for you. i need to be honest and tell you this isn't really typical of me. i just KNOW that i'm supposed to. you are a friend of a friend. i know very little of your situation just that it needs prayer and a miracle. i have known with all certainty that something connects us. i wouldn't classify myself as a person that "prays without ceasing"...i just wanted you to know that since last night and all today, each and every time you crossed my mind i did. it was often. and i knew that God didn't care that i knew you or knew details. i sense the urgency, the desperation and the heartbreak that your family is going through...and i just want you to know that every prayer that i offered up today was on your behalf. i hope you are surrounded by support and love and trustworthy people that make you feel protected. i am praying for your broken heart...i am believing for YOUR miracle.

Moments in time...

20 years ago:
1. i became a teenager...the 80's totally rocked!
2. i traveled the world with my parents and my little brother.
3. lived in prince george, played in the "by force" youth group band, loved life.

10 years ago:
1. i was newly married and mother to 2 beautiful, busy toddlers.
2. i had hair that went almost to my butt...yup, THAT and big bangs (it took a while to let it go)!
3. i was a "people pleaser".

5 years ago:
1. my whole world began to unravel.
2. we owned a gorgeous home.
3. i was in denial.

3 years ago:
1. we celebrated our 10 year anniversary...a cruise with our friends, a beautiful ring.
2. i was pregnant. wow, a decade after thinking that was all wrapped up!
3. i didn't realize life would get harder...that it would all fall apart.

1 year ago:
1. i made the biggest decision of my life...all by myself. it was a good decision, the right decision.
2. i moved for the first time in my life to a place my parents didn't live.
3. i left my best friend. one of the very hardest things i have ever had to do.

So far this year:
1. i have realized that at the end of the day the only relationship i can be sure of is one with God.
2. i have cherished a TON of wonderful and amazing memories with my husband and children...i am so GRATEFUL.
3. i have done a lot of soul searching, praying, pity-partying, whining, laughing, changing, growing, grieving, letting go, hanging on, forgiving, accepting, loving.

Yesterday I:
1. i went on a wonderful walk with "my lanie" and our kids...it was absolutely perfect and so much fun!
2. experienced my first "chinook" since moving to calgary.
3. made tonight's dinner so i could have a "playday" today.

Today I:
1. walked with girlfriends and our "babies" to coffee and mcdonalds and thought how awesome it is to get my second cup coffee 2 days in a row!
2. had my daily chat with mairi on the phone...one of the best parts of my day.
3. thought how proud i am of myself that i was active 5 times this week.


Tomorrow I:
1. will sleep in...yay! it's saturday!
2. am going to my first christmas craft fair/bizarre of the season.
3. will search the internet again hoping for walmart and target's black friday ads to be leaked.

In the next year I:
1. pray i see a babies in the arms some people that are very special to me and so ready to be parents.
2. hope i continue to pursue a "healthier" cher.
3. want to cherish every day, make them count and matter and always be thankful.

Super Snazzy Spectacles...

The long and the short of it is this: Taya getting trampled while playing at school equals two hundred dollars. While she likes the look of being without glasses, the poor child is blind as a bat without them!

She is this endearing, loveable, easy going, funny girl. I love that she wears glasses. I found shopping for them with her to be a total hoot. She has this snazzy personality and is totally fine to express it optically. So, while she would have been thrilled to have the ultra trendy, current and totally hip frames that came in bold colors such as fire engine red and fushia or a vibrant (screaming loud) purple...I was able to guide her to a pair that was less dramatic but with a little flair to them still.

We took some pics of us shopping for that perfect look. In the end, she was pleased with the pair she ultimately chose. While not alarming in color, the arms of the glasses really said, "fun".

The Grand Prize Winner...something both mom and daughter agreed on:





While we had no choice but to bring Demi along with us, I was fully and completely giving Taya my undivided attention. Until, Taya glanced over and saw Demi had gotten into mommy's purse and was found doing this:




It's easy to see how much fun it is to be their mom!