Monday, September 20, 2010

happy birthday, princess!!!

3 years ago, i endured my hardest labor. so much so i even took the drugs (which i had never done before). ahhh, the epidural...bliss. what i didn't realize was you were coming into the world face up. but, in that moment at 5:27 am, september 21st, 2007 i had that moment that many mothers describe...all pain erased when they set eyes on their baby. God gave me a gift and i have known it and been thankful every day of the last 1,095 i have been given with you. demi chenelle kingsborough, you have brightened everyday since your birth. i have savored every moment of loving you, holding you, raising you, bathing you, teaching you. every night since you were born, i have whispered in your ear as i tuck you in..."are you special to mommy? yes, you are. that's because you are my baby". now we have a new baby coming and i just want you to know. demi, you are special to mommy...yes, you are. that's because you are my baby.

at 3 years old you:

~are a people person. you are friendly to strangers. we often her you saying, "hewwo fwends" as we pass people on the road, you love playdates, and you most love "gida" (your cousin, isaiah)

~love having "bubbles"(daily bath)and would be happy to do so for an hour at a time

~are as girly as they come and love to have nails painted and wear a tutu daily

~sing the same 3 songs and do the same prayer every night. i love listening to dad sing "puppy" (how much is that doggy in the window) and "bumblebee" (bringing home a baby bumblebee) and "loves me" (jesus loves me). the hightlight of everynight for the last 2 years and it still makes me smile just as the first night

~are daddy's girl...and that is really special...for him and for me

~have the most amazing singing voice

~love cucumbers and "dip-dip" (ranch)

~have the most stunning hair. perfect, gentle ringlets that touch the bottom of your back.

~still sleep with "saucy"...your blanket

~have originally named the dolls you insisted on having that are identical, "two babies"

~call your juicecup "thirsty"

~love max and ruby!!!

~have gotten into your big sister's makeup and nail polish too many times to count

~think that getting clothes is the best gift that people could give...far beyond getting toys.

~love papa's "big red truck".

~calls motorcycles "hockey"...hmmm, all we can come up with is that you have seen a lot of both since moving to canada???

~have a great imagination. you pretend to be both you and daddy on the phone, have an imaginary friend named rosie.

~are called "princess" more than your name and have a love of tiara's with many pictures over the last 3 years to prove it...i almost think you are better behaved when wearing a!

~have brought more joy to our house than i could have imagined. i'm so glad God gives the best surprises! you are adored, princess demi!

Friday, September 3, 2010

love is alive...and at our breakfast table.

for those of you who don't know i am married to a FABULOUS cook. erik has always loved brinner (breakfast for dinner) but, over the last couple of years he has also become what we call "grill rockstar". making up marinades, putting interesting spices together, working on "plate presentation". when we have out of town guests coming they will inevitably call and ask prior to arriving if erik will be cooking for them. some would think that maybe i would get offended. are you kidding me??? i'm ok with being spoiled. good thing i like hollandaise, is all i have to say!

isn't he the cutest? who doesn't want to wake up to that everyday?

Monday, June 21, 2010

country roads....

crazy week is upon us...and i can't wait!!! i have been waiting since mid march to wrap up. i love having my kids around every day, i love not having to wake up "in the middle of the night", i love not having the responsibility of getting assignments in. BRING ON SUMMER!!!

this friday, we leave calgary for the entire summer. we will be living between the condo and lynden. the girls can't wait. brielle and i can't wait to get back to our jobs at dutch mothers. we can't wait to see our friends. i can't wait to be with my mom and dad. we have basically got ourselves lined up for a ten day rotation. lynden ten days, condo ten days with daddy, back and forth. this is going to make for a perfect summer for me...not to mention a fast last trimester of the pregnancy! i will get back to calgary the last week in august, get the girls off to school and literally have september and some of october to get ready for baby.

if you are from calgary, we will miss you. if you are from lynden, can't wait to see you. if you are my husband...thank you. i'm going home!!!

the girls and i at boulevard park last summer on one of our favorite walks.

Monday, June 14, 2010


so, not meaning to be offensive in any way. but, honestly that was exactly what i was dealing with. now that i'm past complete and utter meltdown mode i'm wishing i had taken a picture just so that you all would know that this post is titled appropriately. so mom, please don't be mad that the post title is a "half swear".

friday, was the day i pulled energy from the heavens and did a complete hardcore cleaning. the only thing that warrants that in these parts, these coming! now i know that my dear friend, mairi does not expect the house to be spotless on her behalf. she and erik and my kids (who were not wanting to be assigned anything extra) kept reiterating that fact to me. but, my argument was and still is...i can't relax and enjoy myself if it isn't so.

i began the overhaul at 8 am and at 4 pm i stood back and looked at all that i had accomplished. dinner on the stove waiting, cookies baked, floors washed, house dusted, bedding all changed, bathrooms gleaming, candles lit and down to my last 2 loads of laundry. besides the fact that i have run out of nail polish remover to take on the most recent demi girl "naughty". yea, that's the one where she used fuchsia nail polish as her art supplies and brielle's walls, daddy's big screen tv, and the white carpet as her canvas. that however is another post and that i WILL take a picture of. back to this disaster...i peruse all corners satisfied and feeling quite proud that i had pulled it off. i reward myself with a quick bubble bath.

10 minutes of bliss. i lock my bedroom door to completely soak my aches and pains, block out brielle and taya bickering over computer time, and demi, who is having (what i loosely call) quiet time in her room. she is yelling, "mom i need you". i swish the bubbles with my toes and think to myself for these 10 minutes i don't care. i don't even want the baby in my tummy to kick. i just want quiet. i deserve this little moment. i completely ignore them all for 10 whole minutes. i am decompressing, i am relaxing, i am feeling accomplished, and i am ready to enjoy friend time. awwww....perfect.

i put on cozy clothes, head downstairs to make a salad for with dinner and am pleased to find that the older kids are still where i left them. fighting over the computer. perfect, they haven't taken a break from the bickering to even make a small mess in the kitchen. i tell them both no one is on the computer, assign brielle a small chore to do with dinner, tell taya to go get demi out of her room from "fake nap".

i hear demi's door open, taya gasp, demi's door close, demi screaming at taya to come back, taya back downstairs with huge eyes. i know what i am walking into cannot be good.

i open the door to see for myself. i know that kids taya's age can tend to exaggerate.

WWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW....did someone put a small dog with irritable bowel syndrome in demi's room for nap time???????????

apparently demi had diarrhea ...ALL OVER THE ROOM. took it upon herself to attempt to fix the situation. the carpet...the carpe...the carpet...i'm seeing stars...there are no words. no screaming. nothing but huge tears. i want hard alcohol. it's on the walls, the toys, every bin, all over her hands, legs, the entire dresser emptied and every article of clothing covered in poop from trying to wipe herself. i'm dizzy. i want to puke. i'm running away. i want my mom, i have no time. i'm crawling into bed and never getting out. i don't want to be the mom. we are losing our damage deposit. i can't breath. pregnant people are allowed to have one glass of wine. i'm saying swears in my mind. where is their father??? being at work is not a valid excuse. i for reals have cartoon stars floating around my head. how am i supposed to scream when i can find air? i'm quitting this job. help, help, help.

new plan. "brielle put "poopy" in the tub, please". this of course brings on what this situation is missing...a meltdown from our teenager. are you kidding me??? i just gave you the glamorous role in the "cleanup" and you are going to start in on me in this moment???? words of wisdom from brielle start pouring from her just so that i know how upsetting this is to her: she doesn't even think we should keep demi. she is way too much work. this is the most disgusting thing that has ever happened to her. why do we keep having little kids? she is not having any kids and after today she will not change her mind. in my mind i pray, "Dear Lord, i beg you...hear my prayer...please cover my teenagers mouth before i have to call 911...i'm scared of the unknown outcome of today, God".

for the next 2 hours taya,(my sweet sweet taya) helped her mom during the most disgusting clean up i have ever endured. by the time we finished i didn't even feel guilty for telling her she was my favorite daughter more than once AND gave her permission to tell the other kids. the carpet was sopping wet due to the fact that i had taken 3 full buckets of water mixed with tide laundry soap to it. my hands are raw, my eyes are puffy from sobbing, my back is throbbing, my 2 year olds room smells like cranberry/poop combo. my door bell is ringing. my friend is here.

that night when i'm tucking demi into bed i still do not find her cute repeatedly telling me, "you only poopy on the potty". this day should have ended hours ago for you little child.

a couple hours later, i slosh across her carpet, pick up dolly that has fallen off her bed, move her long locks of hair away from her face to kiss her cheek, i can only smell her baby shampoo now. she looks so babyish sleeping so soundly. like a little angel. it's at that point i decide that "shit happens"...oh, and it's a good thing she is SO cute.

***note*** 4 days later...taya is still my favorite.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

finish the statement...

another facebook "fill in the blanks". blog or repost on facebook. fill me in on your answers.

i would never wear...ummm, hands down "skinny jeans"

i can`t live

i always wipes and lipgloss

my beauty basics are...marykay foundation, bath and body lipgloss, shimmering sands eyeshadow, and MASCARA!!!

i can't imagine of my children

my favorite perfume is...dkny "be delicious"

my favorite beauty indulgence is...pedicures ( i have been hoarding a gift certificate from erik since christmas...finally used it this past saturday with my girlfriend. it was wonderful!) oooohhh...that and good moisturizer.

my comfy wardrobe is...pj pants and a grey hoodie

i don't care if it is on the `Out` list, I will always wear...flip flops

i feel the most beautiful when...erik kisses my nose and eyes and tells me so

my food addiction is...rolo ice cream, it's so evil

i COULD live without...a cell phone and have for a year and a half

My favorite way to relax our condo...2 weeks til i'm doing just that!!!

i wish i had money to...single handedly (is that a word?) support my brother. what he does for God and other people is worth millions.

my perfect day is...beach, bbq, family, friends

if i could live anywhere, it would be...Lynden...forever

i husband. really, truly, madly, deeply.

i'm saving up for...summer vacation and a few things for the baby

i'm so excited for...girl baby number #4. i can't wait to see what she looks like

i love being with people who are...funny, positive, warm.

if there were a fire I would, wedding rings (of course after my kids)

if i could be spending the day with anyone, it would mom.

in 5 years i will be...a mom of 19, 17, 8 and 5 year old beauties!!! AND, will have been with my husband 20 years.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

here are a few of my favorite things...

i's been FOREVER since i posted. it almost seems crazy to try to go back. but, i had been planning this post for a long time. i made a point of taking certain photos so this is where i'll start to get back into the swing of "blogging".

lots of days i miss my favorite things...many of which sit in lynden. i have learned that embracing my life here didn't mean having to let go of there. so, i just thought i'd share some things that have made for happy days here in calgary.

* demi's hair

* my fabulous new canister set...a gift from my sister in law. i LOVE her taste!

* crave cupcakes...made fresh at a few locations in calgary...the very best cupcake i've ever had...and by far the most expensive i've EVER purchased...TOTALLY worth it!
you are looking at almost $20 in mini cupcakes.

* my kitchen aid christmas gift from my parents!!!

*note the cookies right beside it...that's my next favorite!


3/4 cup butter/margarine
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla
1 cup flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 cup white sugar
2 cups oats
1 & 1/2 cup chocolate chips (or any kind you like. i've done craisins and white or butterscotch)

bake for 10 minutes at 350...yum!

* the calgary zoo. among many of the fabulous things calgary's one of my faves!

* who would have thunk it...yup, swim lessons ended up being one of many favorite things. i hated getting wet every week, hated getting into my suit each and every time for all 3 months....LOVED what it meant to my little girl. good enough to make my favorites list. ps. she enjoyed it with one of her favorite people...her little girlfriend, bronwyn.

* my favorites list wouldn't be complete without this..."BESTIES" coming for visits!!!

* in this pic we're eating at my favorite calgary restaurant, "open sesame". and a visit from the girls means i must take them to my other favorite spot...THE RANCHMAN!!!

dancing ranks way up on my list of favorite things to do!!! which explains why i'm the first one on the dance floor...BY MYSELF!!!

* last but not least...the new favorite addition to my life...yup, i'm in love!

ps. i'm sure in the near future i'll be adding a favorite things part #2, but for now i feel a little caught up. also, you are listening to one of my new favorite songs. chances are if you are reading are one of my favortites, too.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

In the valleys I grow...

I haven't blogged in WAY too long. I have a ton of catching up to do, yet haven't had a moment in the busyness of life. Tonight, I couldn't go to sleep without posting this. It's intended for someone I dearly love...I know that they will know this post belongs to them. I stumbled across this poem about six months ago and knew I kept it for a reason.

Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It's then I have to remember
That it's in the valleys I grow.

If I always stayed on the mountain top
And never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God's love
And would be living in vain.

I have so much to learn
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valleys I grow.

I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.

My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.

Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow.

Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.

Thank you for valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

On my birthday...

I’ve Learned…
That simple walks with my dad around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I’ve Learned…
That there’s nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

I’ve Learned…
That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned...
that my grandpa makes the best pastry!

I’ve Learned…
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve Learned…
That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned...
that you should always leave loved
ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I've Learned...
that it's a rare and special thing to have a brother like mine.

I’ve Learned...
That when you’re in love, it shows.

I've Learned...
that my grandma really does have the softest hands.

I've Learned...
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I've Learned...
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.

I've Learned...
that God has overwhelmed me with mercy and has given me
more "do-overs" than I can count, and by far, more than I deserve.

I've Learned...
that it's those small daily happenings
that make life so spectacular.

I have Learned...
no one's love compares to a mom's is endless.

I've Learned...
that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've Learned...
that either you control your
attitude or it controls you.

I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind.

I've Learned...
that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.

I've Learned...
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.

I've Learned...
that its good to have a big love for many kinds of music, it enhances one's life.

I've Learned...
that maturity has more to do with what types
of experiences you've had and what you've
learned from them and less to do with how
many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've Learned...
that no matter how good a friend is, they're
going to hurt you every once in a while and
you must forgive them for that.

I've Learned...
that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by
others, Sometimes you have to learn to forgive

I've Learned...
that our background and circumstances may
have influenced who we are, but we are
responsible for who we become.

I've Learned...
that just because two people argue, it doesn't
mean they don't love each other. And just
because they don't argue, it doesn't mean
they do.

I've Learned...
that two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.

I've Learned...
that marriage counseling shouldn't be a last resort,
but rather a first option.

I've Learned...
that family and friends are what make
us who we are today, and without them
we would never be complete.

I've Learned...
good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble

I've Learned...
if home is where your heart is then, I am living exactly where I should be.

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these. ~George Washington Carver

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


I'm emotional today. Not depressed. Emotional. Maybe it's that I read a friend's blog and absolutely marveled at her honesty throughout each post. Every time I had a spare five minutes today I would go back and read another entry. I was in awe of how open she was. It wasn't at all trivial or minor. It was all her stuff. The kind of stuff a person likes to keep close or hidden. As I'm reading I keep thinking to myself, "I used to babysit this girl and now I feel like she is more grown up and mature than me...she is so self aware, it's lovely". I have gone around and around the topic of transparency in my mind. Sometimes it seems like I only write when I'm emotional, but then I only write when it's a positive emotion. Sometimes I feel like I have the "Pollyanna Blog". That frustrates me. Life is not perfect, I know I'm the farthest thing from perfect. Sometimes I feel like I use the backspace more than I type and post. Often I sensor, consider who might be reading it, who could possibly take offense, who might judge, or somehow think less of me. Why is it that I am so touched and impressed by her, but don't think it's ok for me to do the same. Maybe I'm not confident it would read at all like hers does to me.

Vulnerable. That's the word I would have thought best described how I feel in most relationships. Then I thought maybe tentative. So then I look them up in the dictionary.

vul·ner·a·ble (vlnr--bl)
a. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury.
b. Susceptible to attack
c. Open to censure or criticism; assailable.

ten·ta·tive (tnt-tv)
1. Not fully worked out, concluded, or agreed on.
2. Uncertain; hesitant

Hmmm....maybe...I don't know. Even as I write I am beating myself up. "Who writes when they don't even know their own thoughts and feelings?"

All I know, is that today was a good day. I had a fun play date with friends, had great chats on the phone, missed my kids, had a nice evening with my husband. There was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, nothing to ruffle my feathers, and yet I still feel like a bunch of stuff stirring just under the surface...not to worry folks, in my professional opinion I would guess that's where it will stay (under the surface). I ask myself, "will there ever come a time when you will come to a place of acceptance that it's just feelings and you're allowed to have them". Oh, how I wish I was thick-skinned. I wish I felt comfortable with "anger feelings". Sometimes I feel like I'm not even "allowed" to do sad for too long for fear I will look like I have a bad or negative attitude.

In so many ways, last year was one of the best of my life. But, if I know anything about myself it's that I don't do change very well. Last year everything changed. Some of that has made me very sad. Left me feeling tentative...vulnerable.

Then I stumbled upon this quote and thought it was so incredibly beautiful. It made me cry.

But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

So, hopefully you didn't stop here tonight for your weekly pick-me-up, or feel good moment. Today it's just least it was honest. Guess I will just bring it to the One I know can help me with it.

My favorite find of the week...........
Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.
- Jerry Bridges -

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


i feel like i still have so much to do over the next couple days to wrap up christmas. there are gifts that still need homes, pulling the house back together, getting the kids back to school and insisting that demi doesn't start her day with a breakfast of baked goods.

i have a ton of things to blog about, great pictures, funny stories but just haven't had the time. so, i guess i will just take the "creative memories" approach (a scrapbooking company) start current and work my way back. i'm looking forward to reflecting on 2009 and welcoming the new year.

tonight, i am cooking for dinner pork loin with the most amazing marinade. ross and taya brought it back from arkansas as a stocking stuffer for erik. the last time i had it was when they grilled chicken for yummy! it's going to go perfect with hashbrown potato casserole and salad.

biggest loser starts tonight...awesome. the kids go back to school tomorrow...perfect. and i will settle into january, one of my most favorite months (some really great people were born in!) i'm excited to start blogging with a little regularity, but even more excited to be able to read my friend's blogs and have a moment to comment. i'm excited to have days that have the time to end up sucked in to a total stranger's blog. random babble, i know...but, hey at least i have one foot back in the blogging world. happy new year, dear friends!