Tuesday, January 12, 2010

On my birthday...

I’ve Learned…
That simple walks with my dad around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I’ve Learned…
That there’s nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

I’ve Learned…
That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned...
that my grandpa makes the best pastry!

I’ve Learned…
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve Learned…
That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned...
that you should always leave loved
ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I've Learned...
that it's a rare and special thing to have a brother like mine.

I’ve Learned...
That when you’re in love, it shows.

I've Learned...
that my grandma really does have the softest hands.

I've Learned...
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I've Learned...
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.

I've Learned...
that God has overwhelmed me with mercy and has given me
more "do-overs" than I can count, and by far, more than I deserve.

I've Learned...
that it's those small daily happenings
that make life so spectacular.

I have Learned...
no one's love compares to a mom's love...it is endless.

I've Learned...
that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've Learned...
that either you control your
attitude or it controls you.

I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind.

I've Learned...
that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.

I've Learned...
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.

I've Learned...
that its good to have a big love for many kinds of music, it enhances one's life.

I've Learned...
that maturity has more to do with what types
of experiences you've had and what you've
learned from them and less to do with how
many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've Learned...
that no matter how good a friend is, they're
going to hurt you every once in a while and
you must forgive them for that.

I've Learned...
that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by
others, Sometimes you have to learn to forgive

I've Learned...
that our background and circumstances may
have influenced who we are, but we are
responsible for who we become.

I've Learned...
that just because two people argue, it doesn't
mean they don't love each other. And just
because they don't argue, it doesn't mean
they do.

I've Learned...
that two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.

I've Learned...
that marriage counseling shouldn't be a last resort,
but rather a first option.

I've Learned...
that family and friends are what make
us who we are today, and without them
we would never be complete.

I've Learned...
good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble

I've Learned...
if home is where your heart is then, I am living exactly where I should be.

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these. ~George Washington Carver

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


I'm emotional today. Not depressed. Emotional. Maybe it's that I read a friend's blog and absolutely marveled at her honesty throughout each post. Every time I had a spare five minutes today I would go back and read another entry. I was in awe of how open she was. It wasn't at all trivial or minor. It was all her stuff. The kind of stuff a person likes to keep close or hidden. As I'm reading I keep thinking to myself, "I used to babysit this girl and now I feel like she is more grown up and mature than me...she is so self aware, it's lovely". I have gone around and around the topic of transparency in my mind. Sometimes it seems like I only write when I'm emotional, but then I only write when it's a positive emotion. Sometimes I feel like I have the "Pollyanna Blog". That frustrates me. Life is not perfect, I know I'm the farthest thing from perfect. Sometimes I feel like I use the backspace more than I type and post. Often I sensor, consider who might be reading it, who could possibly take offense, who might judge, or somehow think less of me. Why is it that I am so touched and impressed by her, but don't think it's ok for me to do the same. Maybe I'm not confident it would read at all like hers does to me.

Vulnerable. That's the word I would have thought best described how I feel in most relationships. Then I thought maybe tentative. So then I look them up in the dictionary.

vul·ner·a·ble (vlnr--bl)
a. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury.
b. Susceptible to attack
c. Open to censure or criticism; assailable.

ten·ta·tive (tnt-tv)
1. Not fully worked out, concluded, or agreed on.
2. Uncertain; hesitant

Hmmm....maybe...I don't know. Even as I write I am beating myself up. "Who writes when they don't even know their own thoughts and feelings?"

All I know, is that today was a good day. I had a fun play date with friends, had great chats on the phone, missed my kids, had a nice evening with my husband. There was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, nothing to ruffle my feathers, and yet I still feel like a bunch of stuff stirring just under the surface...not to worry folks, in my professional opinion I would guess that's where it will stay (under the surface). I ask myself, "will there ever come a time when you will come to a place of acceptance that it's just feelings and you're allowed to have them". Oh, how I wish I was thick-skinned. I wish I felt comfortable with "anger feelings". Sometimes I feel like I'm not even "allowed" to do sad for too long for fear I will look like I have a bad or negative attitude.

In so many ways, last year was one of the best of my life. But, if I know anything about myself it's that I don't do change very well. Last year everything changed. Some of that has made me very sad. Left me feeling tentative...vulnerable.

Then I stumbled upon this quote and thought it was so incredibly beautiful. It made me cry.

But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

So, hopefully you didn't stop here tonight for your weekly pick-me-up, or feel good moment. Today it's just babble...at least it was honest. Guess I will just bring it to the One I know can help me with it.

My favorite find of the week...........
Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.
- Jerry Bridges -

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


i feel like i still have so much to do over the next couple days to wrap up christmas. there are gifts that still need homes, pulling the house back together, getting the kids back to school and insisting that demi doesn't start her day with a breakfast of baked goods.

i have a ton of things to blog about, great pictures, funny stories but just haven't had the time. so, i guess i will just take the "creative memories" approach (a scrapbooking company) start current and work my way back. i'm looking forward to reflecting on 2009 and welcoming the new year.

tonight, i am cooking for dinner pork loin with the most amazing marinade. ross and taya brought it back from arkansas as a stocking stuffer for erik. the last time i had it was when they grilled chicken for us...so yummy! it's going to go perfect with hashbrown potato casserole and salad.

biggest loser starts tonight...awesome. the kids go back to school tomorrow...perfect. and i will settle into january, one of my most favorite months (some really great people were born in january...lol!) i'm excited to start blogging with a little regularity, but even more excited to be able to read my friend's blogs and have a moment to comment. i'm excited to have days that have the time to end up sucked in to a total stranger's blog. random babble, i know...but, hey at least i have one foot back in the blogging world. happy new year, dear friends!