Sh*T!!!!!!!!!

so, not meaning to be offensive in any way. but, honestly that was exactly what i was dealing with. now that i'm past complete and utter meltdown mode i'm wishing i had taken a picture just so that you all would know that this post is titled appropriately. so mom, please don't be mad that the post title is a "half swear".

friday, was the day i pulled energy from the heavens and did a complete hardcore cleaning. the only thing that warrants that in these parts, these days...company coming! now i know that my dear friend, mairi does not expect the house to be spotless on her behalf. she and erik and my kids (who were not wanting to be assigned anything extra) kept reiterating that fact to me. but, my argument was and still is...i can't relax and enjoy myself if it isn't so.

i began the overhaul at 8 am and at 4 pm i stood back and looked at all that i had accomplished. dinner on the stove waiting, cookies baked, floors washed, house dusted, bedding all changed, bathrooms gleaming, candles lit and down to my last 2 loads of laundry. besides the fact that i have run out of nail polish remover to take on the most recent demi girl "naughty". yea, that's the one where she used fuchsia nail polish as her art supplies and brielle's walls, daddy's big screen tv, and the white carpet as her canvas. that however is another post and that i WILL take a picture of. back to this disaster...i peruse all corners satisfied and feeling quite proud that i had pulled it off. i reward myself with a quick bubble bath.

10 minutes of bliss. i lock my bedroom door to completely soak my aches and pains, block out brielle and taya bickering over computer time, and demi, who is having (what i loosely call) quiet time in her room. she is yelling, "mom i need you". i swish the bubbles with my toes and think to myself for these 10 minutes i don't care. i don't even want the baby in my tummy to kick. i just want quiet. i deserve this little moment. i completely ignore them all for 10 whole minutes. i am decompressing, i am relaxing, i am feeling accomplished, and i am ready to enjoy friend time. awwww....perfect.

i put on cozy clothes, head downstairs to make a salad for with dinner and am pleased to find that the older kids are still where i left them. fighting over the computer. perfect, they haven't taken a break from the bickering to even make a small mess in the kitchen. i tell them both no one is on the computer, assign brielle a small chore to do with dinner, tell taya to go get demi out of her room from "fake nap".

i hear demi's door open, taya gasp, demi's door close, demi screaming at taya to come back, taya back downstairs with huge eyes. i know what i am walking into cannot be good.

i open the door to see for myself. i know that kids taya's age can tend to exaggerate.

WWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW....did someone put a small dog with irritable bowel syndrome in demi's room for nap time???????????

apparently demi had diarrhea ...ALL OVER THE ROOM. took it upon herself to attempt to fix the situation. the carpet...the carpe...the carpet...i'm seeing stars...there are no words. no screaming. nothing but huge tears. i want hard alcohol. it's on the walls, the toys, every bin, all over her hands, legs, the entire dresser emptied and every article of clothing covered in poop from trying to wipe herself. i'm dizzy. i want to puke. i'm running away. i want my mom, i have no time. i'm crawling into bed and never getting out. i don't want to be the mom. we are losing our damage deposit. i can't breath. pregnant people are allowed to have one glass of wine. i'm saying swears in my mind. where is their father??? being at work is not a valid excuse. i for reals have cartoon stars floating around my head. how am i supposed to scream when i can find air? i'm quitting this job. help, help, help.

new plan. "brielle put "poopy" in the tub, please". this of course brings on what this situation is missing...a meltdown from our teenager. are you kidding me??? i just gave you the glamorous role in the "cleanup" and you are going to start in on me in this moment???? words of wisdom from brielle start pouring from her just so that i know how upsetting this is to her: she doesn't even think we should keep demi. she is way too much work. this is the most disgusting thing that has ever happened to her. why do we keep having little kids? she is not having any kids and after today she will not change her mind. in my mind i pray, "Dear Lord, i beg you...hear my prayer...please cover my teenagers mouth before i have to call 911...i'm scared of the unknown outcome of today, God".

for the next 2 hours taya,(my sweet sweet taya) helped her mom during the most disgusting clean up i have ever endured. by the time we finished i didn't even feel guilty for telling her she was my favorite daughter more than once AND gave her permission to tell the other kids. the carpet was sopping wet due to the fact that i had taken 3 full buckets of water mixed with tide laundry soap to it. my hands are raw, my eyes are puffy from sobbing, my back is throbbing, my 2 year olds room smells like cranberry/poop combo. my door bell is ringing. my friend is here.

that night when i'm tucking demi into bed i still do not find her cute repeatedly telling me, "you only poopy on the potty". this day should have ended hours ago for you little child.

a couple hours later, i slosh across her carpet, pick up dolly that has fallen off her bed, move her long locks of hair away from her face to kiss her cheek, i can only smell her baby shampoo now. she looks so babyish sleeping so soundly. like a little angel. it's at that point i decide that "shit happens"...oh, and it's a good thing she is SO cute.

***note*** 4 days later...taya is still my favorite.