I wish profound thoughts came to me at 10:00 am. It seems I can stay up until all hours listening to music! I love almost every style and era of music...I am realizing I like a lot more from the 70's than I thought. It was at 1:50 am when I finally remembered this diddy by "bread". At that point, I had to listen to it a couple times and then I pondered the words until about 3 am.
This week I go back to Lynden for a visit. I still often refer to it as "home". It has only been 3 months since we moved. I am so excited! I get to see my Kim, hold and love on Kestin...finally I get to kiss and snuggle that baby! I get to be in the company of my wonderful girlfriends who bring me so much joy. I get to be with my mom and dad, who I miss everyday. I can't wait to see the staff at Dutch Mother's they are like a family to me. It feels like there aren't enough hours in my little weekend jaunt to fit in all the people I would like to. I just hope I get to share a little moment with everyone I have missed so much.
Right before Erik and I "officially" got back together, we were talking with Linda about not being able to let it go of each other and the relationship. And she said, "You were left with everything but him and it was not enough. What would happen if you let go of it all and clung to him? Because I have a feeling none if matters if it's not with him."
Wow...I hadn't thought of it like that. I had a beautiful home, my kids, my same wonderful best friends, my family, my job. But...I didn't have him (and he didn't have me).
So, last night I was scouring for this song because although I couldn't remember the words at the moment, I just knew they said what I had felt when I left Lynden to be with Erik.
When I left, it was with open hands. Seriously, letting go and letting God. I felt like I released all the relationships that mattered so much to me, that I had clung so tightly to for so long, and let go praying that Erik would meet those needs in me... and if he couldn't that God would.
I love this song..."nobody else could ever know the part of me that can let go...and I would give up everything I own give up my life, my heart, my home.
I felt like I did just that...I ended up with all of those same things...I just got to do it with him.
You get to come up with this one on your own!
What could you give up to make your relationship work? It is a hard one to confront. For me it was all the other relationships I put in front of ours. It might be time, work, other people, substances, the gym, shopping. What would happen if one time this week we put our spouse where we would usually put that thing that comes easier to choose?