Thursday, January 15, 2009

Letting Go and Hanging On...

I think I have cried more in the last few days than all the tears combined since we moved. I knew I would cry when my family left...I always do. Last night when I was fb (facebooking) Amber I said it's not missing Lynden... it's missing people. Because I love it here and I love the people I am here with. Having Erik and Lanie in the same place forever...life doesn't get much sweeter than that for me! The day mom and dad left was the day the girls started school. Taya was so excited she could hardly contain herself. Brielle was so anxious and nervous we were having to watch all the exits for fear she would bolt! And I felt like in the matter of 2 hours my emotions were all over the map and back again and I had let everyone go. I was such a wreck that the school secretary was bawling too as she walked Erik and I to the door. She assured me that I had done well for the girls, in that when she moved to Calgary and her children started school she didn't wait to walk away before sobbing! I cried all the way home...had a 2 hour nap...and woke up to cry some more. I called mom and to tell her, "I'm having a huge day of separation". Kim was headed to the hospital to be induced. And where was I...not there...I have always been there. Between Tuesday and today all I seem to think about is how do I let go and hang on at the same time? I don't want to just be a memory or forgotten, I don't want to be selfish or jealous. I want my best friend to have other best friends and to not be lonely. But, I want to be there when she has her baby...because she was there holding my legs up when I had mine. I want to be among the very first to hold that sweet baby girl and know that she will know me and know how much I love her, I want to know she will love coming with Aunty Cher on girl dates, that she and Demi will be best friends. I want Kim to know that this kills me to not be there. I want Erik to know I am so thankful to be here with him...and so thankful that he even offered to put me on a plane because he could see how hard it was to go through that moment. And, I would love any advice on how to let go and how to hang on. I think I do a much better job hanging on....



Thanks for going in my place mom and dad!

6 comments:

The Erdmann Family said...

Aw, I am sorry you are having a hard time. You know I think we have chatted more since you've been gone, then when you were here so in a way it has brought us closer together and I am thankful for that. I appreciate your kind words and advice last night and know that we are always here. You will never be forgotten!!! We love you and miss you too!

Mom and Dad Black said...

Honey...that was beautiful. Dad and I shared the moment together this morning reading your blog post and I am really not sure which of us were the most teary. We are so proud of you honey. You have made wise, Godly choices. You have the most loving heart of anyone that I know...you are so loyal and committed. These are Christ-like qualities, sweetheart. Keep blogging. You do it so well. I really do think that you and Ross could co-write something! Daddy says you are both such "prolific writers". We have the best kids in the world...no joke!!!!! We love you

3 little and 2 big liks said...

you will NEVER be forgotten. you are missed and LOVED!!!
i'm saying a prayer for you now.
we'll talk soon.
trac-

Vrieling Mom said...

aww.. my sweet Cher..days don't get any better that your gone..I saw a Maxima today marroon..I got frigin choked up..then everytime I look at the sink with water I think of you and today picking out clothes for Kestin I thought about the last time I bought clothes was for Demi..and when I go the deck at 11pm I think of you...I don't think any of that will go away...but your choices where for Jesus and your rewards are in heaven.So keep blogging..not the stuff that makes me cry :) but the stuff of your everyday life...seriously...anything you blog I will love..I am your stalker..miss you I will forever.

Ross and Taya said...

We feel what you are feeling. Thanks for doing the blog because it gives us an insight into your life. Love you lots,

ross and taya

LyndenMomof2 said...

Thanks for sharing your life with us. I just found your blog today and it touches me deeply. You may be gone in miles but you will not soon be forgotten. Senna asks where you are. So see...you are truly missed. But I agree with the no more making us weep. I can only take so much. Love and Miss you lots.