Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Little Things...

All day I was thinking...I sure hope that just because I am currently blogging on love and romance that I haven't given people the impression I feel I am the authority on either. I don't feel like that at all. Our marriage has been the farthest thing from perfect or easy on any scale. While we are doing very good, in my opinion the best we ever have...we are not a "poster couple" for a job well done. We have failed each other in huge ways, broken vows, filed divorce papers, hurt our children deeply and broke each others hearts. I think when I write on these topics it's more like thinking out loud. These are just my thoughts, my hopes, my vision for what I want our marriage to be. One thing I am realizing is that marriage needs attention. Our marriage desparately needed attention. The thing that saved us was love...we never stopped loving each other. We have always had a very passionate relationship. We rarely had a friendship. The breakdown of "us" started by not doing the little things, and led to much bigger things. If I was to offer anything of what I have learned it would be that it is never to late. You can start today. You can pull it out of the gutter. You can find your way back. You can forgive one more time. You can be the one to be selfless. You can be the one to say I am sorry. You can rip up divorce papers together...we did. Besides the love that remained, and the grace of God, we also had an amazing counselor. Linda loved us, supported us, gave us truth, got in our faces, walked us through, let us go our own way, always took us back and met us in our darkest hour. She once said to me, "If you went through all of this and would have just divorced than all this was just a bunch of garbage, but if you went through all of this and there was a purpose then God can use it all". I did not go through all that to not have learned what I needed to learn. I learned that I needed to be as good of a friend to Erik that I was to my girlfriends. I learned that I don't always have to be right. I learned that there were so many little things I could have been doing. I learned that being a good person doesn't equal being a good wife. So, on that note I offer this...

Idea #6
Do the little things. If it's taking up something he enjoys, making an effort to make dinner (this was something I had definitely had to work on), giving a back massage, getting dressed up for him, finding something you both like to watch on tv together. Then do those things. It's a place to start if things are strained in the relationship. If things are good it will just make it better. I promise you this...it's a long road back to heal from the big things when we could've just paid attention to the little things. Since I was a little girl I have always loved this song (is your volume turned up?). I think it is by far one of the most romantic songs of all time. It reminds me of us.

2 comments:

Mom (Dad)-- Nana/Papa said...

Most men are pretty easy to please...dad sure is! It has always been the "little things" that I do for him that show him how much I adore him.
I was talking today to a girl who was struggling in their marriage and I suggested that she read "the Five Love Languages". Alot of times it is just trying to figure out "what language someone speaks" to figure out how to love them. Good post sweetheart...we love you.

3 little and 2 big liks said...

cher-thank you for your entry today. what a great reminder. i'm going to lean over and kiss my snoring husband right now. :)
you and erik are an inspiration! God is using you and He will use you in the future for BIG things!
thank you for sharing.